This post officially closes today’s MonSFFA e-meeting.
12) THANK YOU!
We proffer our sincere thanks to Danny Sichel, Keith Braithwaite, and Cathy Palmer-Lister for their contributions to today’s programme, and thank, as well, all of our supporting contributors this afternoon. MonSFFA would not be able to put on these virtual meetings without the stellar efforts of such club members!
And of course, to those who visited with us today, and took in our online get-together, thank you for your interest and attention, and don’t forget to comment!
To wrap things up, we’ll address the club’s upcoming Christmas Party/Lunch. We have been, and will now, in the final minutes of today’s ZOOM-chat, be discussing the particulars of our Christmas get-together, with the intention of finalizing plans. Within the next week, we’ll post all pertinent details, so watch this space.
We can confirm at this time that a hall has been booked on the West Island, next to major bus and commuter-train routes, and a date selected—Saturday, December 10. This will be an afternoon, in-person gathering, with a catered, self-serve buffet offered, and our traditional Christmas Gift Raffle on the agenda!
We hope you can join us on the 10th!
14) SIGN-OFF AND ODE OF REMEMBRANCE
We sincerely hope you have enjoyed your time with us these past few hours and, with Remembrance Day having transpired just yesterday, are glad to have been able to pay our respects to Canada’s veterans.
Thank you for dropping in, today, and we encourage you to visit www.MonSFFA.ca regularly for additional content.
Our hoped-for return to in-person club meetings has been stymied by pandemic-related circumstances, unfortunately; we will keep you updated as to any progress regarding our search for a new meeting room!
On ZOOM at this moment, we’re asking “What are You Reading, or Watching?” Give us your quick book report, or your brief review of a film or TV show you’ve recently been enjoying!
For those not participating in our ZOOM chat, today, you may still contribute by submitting your concise book reports or movie and television-series reviews via this post’s “Leave a Comment” option. We welcome your input.
11) GALLERY: GENRE SNOW GLOBES
Or, alternately, we invite you to peruse this gallery of lovely genre-themed snow globes:
Steven Spielberg terrorized beach-goers in the summer of 1975 and initiated the modern age of cinematic blockbusters. His Jaws remains the epitome of shark movies. It has many imitators—The Reef, The Shallows—but no equals.
Some shark films, like Deep Blue Sea and The Meg, added science fictional elements to the formula and independent, low-budget, straight-to-video filmmakers soon dove into those lucrative waters, with mixed results.
Some adopted the idea of purposely producing so-bad-it’s-good fare as comically wacky entertainment, resulting in Sharktopus, Dinoshark, Sharknado, and other examples of brainless, B-movie, sci-fi/shark movies. The best of these basked in their absurdity and played as tongue-in-cheek homages to both the shark-adventure and science fiction genres.
At the bottom of the chum bucket are found the irredeemably botched SF/F shark movies, truly the worst, most unprofessional, hackneyed, nonsensical, substandard, misguided failures. Highlighted below are titles that we judged largely as such. Your mileage may differ.
Sharkenstein (2016)
A way-out, wild sci-fi/horror mélange of Jaws, Nazispoitation, and Frankenstein, Mark Polonia directs this earnest but unsatisfactorily executed movie, featuring a cast that includes at least a couple of moderately capable independent-film actors boasting a number of genuine credits within the low-budget horror genre.
The story involves a mad scientist’s scheme—the Great Experiment—to create from the body parts of Great Whites, Hammerheads, Makos and other man-eaters, the penultimate killer shark, into which will be surgically implanted the undying heart and brain of Frankenstein’s monster!
Having originated during World War II, the plan finally comes to fruition in present-day USA. Arriving in a small coastal town for a day of boating, three friends, Skip, Coop, and Madge, soon become entangled in the scientist’s dastardly plans.
While the writing and, in particular, special effects utterly fail to live up to the production’s central, high-concept idea, I’ll give the principal players kudos for, once or twice, expressing through their performances a knowing nod to the fatuous genre within which they are working.
At one point, Greta Volkova, starring as Madge, delivers a line of awkwardly scripted foreshadowing with the mock gravitas appropriate to the occasion. “I’ve never seen a shark like that before,” she emotes. “It looked like a grotesque combination of different sharks.” She later pays nerdy, loving tribute to the Frankenstein story, rattling off a list of classic Frankenstein films produced by Universal and Hammer.
Sharkenstein, struck by lightning at one point, begins to take on a more human form!
And Jeff Kirkendall, affecting a clichéd German accent as the mad scientist, crowingly outlines his outrageous plan in detail for our three heroes, who find themselves his captives at one point. He and other neo-Nazis operating clandestinely across the globe intend to deploy an “indestructible and unstoppable” army of supersharks, beginning with the archetypal “Sharkenstein.” Eventually, the preserved brains of Nazi leaders, including Hitler himself, will be transferred into these abominations, thus triggering another World War, which this time, the Nazis will win! After a few silent beats to allow the horrendous enormity of the plan to sink in, he melodramatically intones, “This is the part where you tell me I’m crazy!”
All fun, if decidedly imperfect, stuff, in the spirit of the genre, marred further by the clumsiest possible compositing of a Sharkenstein puppet and blood-splatter with live action footage!
Planet of the Sharks (2016) and Empire of the Sharks (2017)
The Asylum, an independent film production house specializing in low-budget, straight-to-video projects, is the chief purveyor of “sharksploitation” flicks like these two. Both are from director Mark Atkins, Empire a prequel to Planet.
Set in a dystopian, Waterworld-like near-future in which global warming has caused the Earth’s glacial ice to melt, flooding the world, pockets of humanity survive on small floating islands of barges, wharves, and boats tethered together.
Planet of the Sharks: To save the world, scientists must first battle rapacious sharks!
With ocean plankton unable to endure the warming waters, the ocean’s food chain is collapsing and almost all sea life is dying off, leaving only a great school of sharks, led by an alpha female. But with no fish to eat, the ocean’s apex predators must hunt for food above the surface. “And that’s us,” explains Planet of the Sharks’ Dr. Shayne Nichols, a scientist who is working with others to launch a rocket equipped with CO2 scrubbers into the high atmosphere, and so reverse the effects of climate change and lower sea levels. Yeah, that’ll work!
But first, an electronic gizmo must be dropped into a dormant undersea volcano in order to draw the threatening sharks to their doom when the team open fire with a laser, which will trigger an eruption. Or something.
In both films, characters spend a lot of time standing around talking to each other.
There’s a lot of tedious, unnecessary detail, here, which causes the story to drag. And between brief and uninspiringly shot scenes of unconvincing CGI sharks leaping out of the water to chomp on people, far too much of the film’s runtime is spent on lengthy sequences of expository dialogue among the protagonists, just standing around talking to each other. There are also a number of completely superfluous characters, who contribute little, if anything, to the story, save only to further pad out the film’s runtime.
Planet of the Sharks: A scenery-chewing shark hunter who doesn’t make it past than the first reel!Both films feature CGI sharks leaping out of the water to attack!
Empire of the Sharks is saddled with many of the same flaws, presenting audiences with countless interminable shots of characters staring intently or woefully at off-screen goings-on, or skimming about on various watercraft, or manoeuvering underwater with Sea Scooters, or aboard a submersible.
Something of a Mad Max on the water, the action, such as it is, follows a poorly realized young hero, who sets out to rescue his girlfriend, Willow, taken captive in the first reel by a ruling overlord. Martial law is imposed by way of a legion of sharks, which the antagonists control with what looks somewhat like a pair of gloves pilfered from the Rollerball set and wrapped in a string of Christmas lights. Each of this post-apocalyptic world’s small, floating communities are required to pay a regular tribute to the strongman, with ruthless punishment meted out to any who refuse, or defy him. Transgressors are held prisoner on his floating fortress and forced into slave labour, with those marked for execution tied to a float and fed to the ravenous sharks.
Empire of the Sharks: Willow, a “shark caller,” must be rescued from an evil overlord.
Long story short, our hero assembles a crew of mercenary types to help rescue the girl and overthrow the evil empire. She, meanwhile, possessed of an innate psychic ability, channels her powers to challenge the overlord for control of sharks, managing to turn them against him and helping to win the day. Like her father before her, she is a “shark caller,” and is celebrated as such as the film concludes.
A handful of the actors, at least, cast in these films have as much fun with their roles as dull scripting will allow, most notably Empire’s Jonathan Pienaar, who plays the overlord’s right-hand man with over-the-top, villainous relish.
Nary a farcical wink is offered to the inherent cheesiness of either movie, and so, these pictures are nothing more than pedestrian sci-fi/actioners. So if you like nonsensically bad science fiction films, you’ll have a better time with The Asylum’s hit, Sharknado, which fully embraces and lampoons the flavour of sci-fi B-movies and its own outlandish premise.
Ouija Shark (2020)
One would not be exceedingly surprised to discover that this movie was produced by a sixth-grader equipped with dad’s camcorder and I suppose that Ottawa-based actor/writer/director Brett Kelly was, once, some years ago, in the sixth grade. Kelly, who guested at ConCept in 2006, directs, here, under his Scott Patrick pseudonym.
Reportedly made for some $300, most of that budget apparently allocated to the titular shark, a rubber, dollar store-quality toy, one cannot reasonably expect very much, if anything, of this film.
Expectations met!
A group of girls enjoying a backyard pool party decide to experiment with an old Ouija board that one of them found washed up on a nearby beach. Inadvertently, they conjure up the ghost of a Great White Shark, which appears as a glowing spectre unremarkably superimposed into various scenes as, one after another, each of the girls is attacked by this phantom fish.
The cast are high-school-drama-club amateurish, a few especially so, the pacing often lethargic, and the production values carelessly inferior. But these factors, coupled with the sheer idiocy of the whole affair, might have been forgiven had the writers injected moments of self-aware pretense. Alas, we are offered but a few weak barbs, not nearly enough of a boost to elevate the piece whatsoever.
Kelly has produced better stuff under his actual name; this one is to be avoided.
Land Shark (2020); Original Title: Lù Xing Shā
Candygram.
The English title of this movie suggests a feature-film adaptation of that classic Saturday Night Live skit, but this is, in fact, a Chinese creature-feature budgeted at some $2 million. Rather derivative of such fare as Deep Blue Sea, The Meg, Tremors, and any number of kaiju films—there’s even a Free Willy moment included!—director Cheng Si-Yu helmed what proved to be a pretty standard-issue CGI-monster movie, reasonably well-crafted but tarnished by a daft premise.
A pharmaceutical research laboratory’s attempt to engineer an anti-cancer drug via genetic tampering results in the creation of a giant, beastly shark capable of terrorizing mankind in the water, and on land!
All of the stereotypical characters that populate such genre films are present, here: the take-charge hero, shark wrangler Song Yi, and his goofy friend and sidekick, Pang Yu, responsible for comic relief; the greedy, callous corporate executive behind the experiment, Qian Cheng; the noble scientist, young, pretty Ye Xin, also our hero’s romantic interest; her craven, morally bankrupt colleague; the leader of Cheng’s private militia, who begins to question his boss’ ethics; the cute kid; and a gaggle of others who serve as chum.
Early in the narrative, the lab’s team of scientists and technicians are surprised to discover that their test subject, an aggressive male shark, is pregnant, an incomprehensible turn of events. “Could it be possible,” asks the portly Pang Yu, “that the shark is so depressed because of being locked up, that it became a sissy as a result?”
I watched the English dub of the film, so I’ll allow that something may have been lost in the translation, however, such puerile dialogue did not bode well.
Later, it’s learned that the shark’s genetic material was augmented by that of earthworms, which reproduce asexually. This, apparently, explains the shark’s pregnant state, and its ability to move about on land and burrow through the soil in hot pursuit of the panicked laboratory personnel! There’s a lot of frantic running away, willy-nilly, until in a moment of respite, we hear again from Pang Yu, who unintentionally summarizes the entire movie. “What’s this even about?” he gasps, breathless. “The sea creature that swims on land! This is quite unscientific.”
Indeed.
Not to be taken seriously as the straight-up science fiction/action picture it aspires to be, but that said, Land Shark does have its charms.
Shark Side of the Moon (2022)
Another one from The Asylum, this stultifyingly lame sci-fi effort, is part Jaws, part Iron Sky, all stupid!
Shark Side of the Moon is a so-called “Mockbuster,” that is, a cheap and cheesy movie that capitalizes on the recognition and popularity of one or more critically-acclaimed and/or big-budget box office successes, often blatantly filching elements from the mainstream films that served as inspiration. Sometimes, this results in a charmingly silly, funny, entertaining, tongue-firmly-in-cheek, in-joke homage of sorts.
But not in this case. Not at all. Even remotely.
The title suggests an astonishingly ridiculous premise, and indeed, Shark Side of the Moon, released as a “Tubi Original” and part of the low-rent streaming service’s Bitefest, involves a colony of deadly human/shark hybrids who have established a technologically advanced colony on the moon!
The commander of a U.S. mission returning to the moon is surprised by she finds there!
Created by Soviet scientists during the Cold War, these creatures quickly escaped, but before they could wreak havoc, were lured aboard a space shuttle by one of the scientists for a one-way flight to the moon. Forty years later, American astronauts returning to the moon soon encounter these lunar shark-men, as well as the scientist—he remained aboard the shuttle as pilot—and his half-human, half-shark daughter!
The acting is shoddy and melodramatic, the dialogue inane, and the direction and editing lacklustre, with only the occasional visual effect offering a modicum of flair.
And I won’t even bother to address the film’s unforgivable misunderstanding of basic science, the dubious logic of proceedings, or the sagacity of characters’ motivations because, clearly, the screenwriters didn’t seem to think any of that particularly important, either!
Sharkula (2022)
Director Mark Polonia seems to revel in cut-rate sharksploitation projects; he tapped into the Frankenstein mythos in 2016 (see above) and here returns with a bat-shit crazy Dracula-inspired shark movie!
Set in present-day New England, in the coastal town of Arkham—a salute to Lovecraft—the story began centuries earlier. Count Dracula is chased by a “makeshift mob of uneducated farmers” to the edge of a cliff overlooking the sea, where he is stabbed. Wounded, he falls into the raging surf below and is immediately attacked by a large, blood-lusting shark. By way of “mind control,” however, the King of the Vampires succeeds in communicating with, and transferring to the shark his curse.
“If I served him, he would protect me,” Dracula explains later, as he recounts the tale to Arthur and Mina, two of the film’s leads, all of whom are named for characters in Stoker’s original novel. “We all serve someone, or something. Even the mighty Dracula!” he continues. “As those who serve me, I must serve it.”
“Sounds like a load of crap!” replies Arthur.
Precisely.
And the crap doesn’t come any more coiled and steaming than in this movie.
A bat-shark puppet (above, positioned on a green-screen stage) was fashioned for this production, and composited with live-action footage (below).Shots of the puppet were melded with live-action footage.
The writing is atrociously bad and the acting underwhelming, though a couple of cast members do strive desperately to make something more interesting of the material they’ve been given. Meanwhile, for some reason—maybe to put across a weird, cultish vibe but more likely to extend the film’s runtime—director Polonia returns often to non-sequitur shots of a leather-clad woman dancing on a beach at dusk twirling what look like flaming marshmallows on sticks!
There is really only one worthwhile thing to be found in this flick: a catchy, 1960s-style, surf-guitar piece by the Sea Demons, employed as Sharkula’s theme song.
Listen here:
Conclusion:
If you like your science fiction, horror, and shark movies cheap, cheesy, and stupid, drop your line in these waters!
All kidding aside, it’s easy to slam such efforts and poke fun, but even the most egregious examples often include a spark or two of creativity that, given more talent and money, may well have amounted to something.
Regarding a move to the Atwater Library: We finally heard back from the library, and it’s not good news. They are no longer open on Saturdays, so it would cost us 500$ per meeting, which is of course out of the question.
So we are back to looking for a home.
Have you paid your dues? Please check with Joe! A lot of memberships are overdue!
DISPLAY
From Josée Bellemare:
It was a Harry Potter themed Hallowe’en event at a local shopping mall. It was aimed more for the kids but I saw it as an opportunity to wear my Hufflepuff t-shirt.
RAFFLE PRIZES
Click the thumbnails to view full size image.
Sturmovik Neko Girl, Japanese Capsule Toy, donated by Brian Knapp.
From Sylvain’s legacy, Starlog Photo Guidebook: Fantastic Worlds
From Sylvain’s Legacy, Star Wars Pop-Up Book
Three copies of Mad Magazine from the 1970s, including January 1978 – their very first Star Wars parody. From Sylvain’s Legacy
Young Miles by Lois McMaster Bujold, hardcover, pages a bit yellowed, Sylvain’s legacy
Vernor Vinge: Tatja Grimm’s World, excellent condition. Cover by Tom Kidd
Alan Dean Foster and Eric Frank Russell: Design for Great-Day Good condition
Boris, series 1, from Sylvain’s legacy, box of 90 cards, each card described on the back
First of a duology by Ben Bova & A J Austin, dust jacket a bit scuffed, otherwise looks unread.
For those participating on ZOOM, today, we open the floor to any club members who have “fancraft” projects to showcase—sci-fi scale models, SF/F woodworking or needlecraft, whatever genre-themed, hands-on project it may be that you are working on at present, or have recently completed.
Those not able to join our ZOOM-chat for the show-and-tell may contribute by using this post’s “Leave a Comment” feature to type in a quick description of any such project on which they are currently working.
7) GALLERY: ATOMIC-AGE CHRISTMAS ORNAMENTS AND DECORATIONS
Alternately, with Christmas advertising suddenly upon us and holiday merchandise popping up on store shelves, with seasonal music playing on the radio, and some of our neighbours having already festooned their homes in decorative lights, we offer, in that spirit, a gallery of groovy Christmas ornaments and decorations.
All sci-fi fans have, no doubt, seen an episode or two of the original Star Trek, or the Saturday-morning cartoon series The Jetsons, and so have glimpsed an aesthetic known as Mid-Century Modern. A style of design and visual art, the distinctive MCM look arose out of the optimistic, avant-garde post-WWII years, pervaded throughout the 1950s and ’60s, persisting even into the ’70s, and has regained popularity in recent years.
MCM architecture and furniture, for example, emphasizing functionality over ornamental adornment, is typified by a spare, minimalist look, and the use of rich woods, glass, metal, plastics, and vinyl warmed by a vibrant palette of oranges, ochres, and umbers. Typical accent colours include a variety of hues like taupe, teal, avocado, and mauve.
Pictorially, MCM’s wild angles, smooth curves, and flat colours are characteristic of the style, with such iconic motifs as the globe, boomerang, and starburst associated with the look. MCM, one might say, is to design and illustration that which jazz is to music: colourful, playful, and the penultimate in cool! And, there’s a retro-futuristic feel to the style, which probably accounts for its popularity among many sci-fi fans.
So all of that to set up these examples of Mid-Century Modern, or “Atomic-Age,” Christmas ornaments and decorations, some commercially produced, others handcrafted. Merry Christmas, baby!
Flash Gordon featured Emperor Ming, merciless ruler of Mongo, and his alluring daughter, Princess Aura.
The Padishah Emperor, hereditary sovereign of House Corrino, along with the royals of House Harkonnen and House Atreides, spiced up the pages of the influential Dune books.
Meanwhile, the Star Wars franchise pitted evil Emperor Palpatine against the rebellious, forceful Princess Leia Organa, of Alderaan’s ruling family, and her Jedi cohorts.
And the nobility of Westeros played the game of thrones with varying degrees of success.
The Lord of the Rings, The Chronicles of Narnia, the Discworld series, Marvel’s Wakanda movies, and countless other science fiction and fantasy books, comics, films, and television shows feature various monarchies, whether despotic dictatorship, benevolent regime, or some weird permutation of real-world royalist systems of government.
Over the next hour of our ZOOM-chat, we’ll examine and discuss some of these.
Those not able to join the chat may contribute nonetheless by using this post’s “Leave a Comment” feature to type in commentary or ask a question of our presenter.
This is the first of seven posts making up this, MonSFFA’s November 2022 e-Meeting. Welcome!
1) INTRODUCTION
Yesterday was Remembrance Day and commemorative ceremonies took place across the land. We are pleased to humbly pay our respects, this afternoon, to those Canadians who have served, or are currently serving in the military, and in particular, to the families of those who have fallen. Canada remains a free and democratic country today because of their sacrifice, and in concert with our allies, this nation’s soldiers, sailors, and airmen have helped to bolster peace and freedom around the world, something of which all Canadians can all be proud.
Are you seated in your most comfortable chair, tasty snacks at hand? Good. Pour yourself a favourite drink, too, and join us for an afternoon of SF/F fun and conversation. Today, we’ll be looking at monarchies in science fiction and fantasy, reviewing stupid SF/F shark movies, and a lot more!
Note that this will be our final programmed e-meeting of the year; next month, we’ll be getting together for a Christmas Lunch/Party—more about that at 4:30PM. Programmed meetings resume in the New Year.
Today’s agenda is a busy one, so let’s get started!
If you’re not fully equipped to ZOOM, you can also take part by phone (voice only); in the Montreal area, the toll-free number to call is: 1-438-809-7799. From out of town? No problem; find your ZOOM call-in number here: Call-In Numbers
Also, have this information on hand as you may be asked to enter it:
Meeting ID: 894 0738 5483
Passcode: 193253
3) MEETING AGENDA
Here is the agenda for this afternoon’s get-together:
As always, all scheduled programming is subject to change.
4) JOHN McCRAE’S “IN FLANDERS FIELDS”
Portrait of John McCrae by Janet Wilson, painted as the cover of In Flanders Fields: The Story of the Poem by John McCrae, a children’s book written by Linda Granfield, with illustrations by Wilson.
In the spring of 1915, during the First World War, physician and amateur poet John McCrae, of Guelph, Ontario, was serving as a surgeon with the Canadian Expeditionary Force. Assigned to an artillery brigade, he treated the wounded during the Second Battle of Ypres in Belgium, which infamously saw the German army first deploy mass quantities of poisonous chlorine gas on the Western Front.
After presiding over the burial of a friend killed in action, McCrae, sitting in the back of a field ambulance amid leas of wild poppies, was inspired to write “In Flanders Fields,” which he is said to have quickly discarded, unsatisfied with his prose. But a fellow officer who retrieved the verse encouraged the young doctor to keep at it.
“In Flanders Fields” was first published in the British magazine Punch later that year, and soon became one of the most popular and quoted poems of the war, earning McCrae a measure of celebrity. Today, “In Flanders Fields,” and the iconic poppy, are staples of the annual commemorative ceremonies held across the commonwealth and beyond, paying tribute to military veterans, and memorializing those who did not return from the battlefield.
In 1918, while commanding No. 3 Canadian General Hospital at Boulogne-sur-Mer, France, McCrae joined the ranks of the dead he had so movingly venerated, succumbing to pneumonia. He was buried with full military honours.
Before the war, McCrae had lived and worked in Montreal, engaged as a pathologist at both The Montreal General and Royal Victoria hospitals. He also taught at McGill University.
This post officially closes today’s MonSFFA e-meeting.
