Following is the “MonSFFAndom” column absent from Warp 109:

 

Given that no other MonSFFen presented themselves as candidates for office, MonSFFA’s sitting Executive Committee will be officially acclaimed to office for the coming year, 2021. The club’s elections were held during the Zoom session conducted in conjunction with MonSFFA’s January 9, 2021, virtual meeting, marking the first time ever the vote was carried out online, necessitated, of course, by current circumstances.

Cathy Palmer-Lister, Keith Braithwaite, and Sylvain St-Pierre all ran again for the same positions they had held in 2020: president, vice-president, and treasurer, respectively.

As they ran unopposed, and all were prepared to continue in their respective roles, they were unofficially declared acclaimed to office shortly after the vote. Official confirmation will come during the scheduled February 13 virtual meeting, at which time a formal announcement will be made ushering MonSFFA’s 2021 Executive Committee into office, with congratulations extended.

We’ll congratulate them here and now, wish them well with what will be another challenging year for the club, and at the same time thank all those MonSFFen who exercised their right to vote.

MonSFFA elects annually its Executive Committee. Any club member in good standing who is responsibly and reliably able to carry out the duties of office is eligible to run for any one of the three posts. A candidate may be nominated by another club member in good standing, or nominate themselves. All MonSFFen in good standing are eligible to cast a ballot.

Club’s Virtual Meetings Archived and Available on Web Site

The COVID-19 crisis compelled the club to move all of its activities online for most of last year, and we anticipate much the same approach will be required for the bulk of this year. September will likely be the earliest opportunity for a return to in-person meetings, so we’ll be holding our get-togethers on the club’s Web site and via Zoom for a while yet.

One of the good things about holding our assemblies online is that out-of-town club members are easily able to “attend,” and anyone who misses a meeting is able to access after the fact the presentations included as part of any given e-gathering. All of the posts that make up each virtual meeting remain archived on the MonSFFA Web site (www.MonSFFA.ca) for those who might have missed the fun day-of, or simply wish to again peruse the content that was proffered.

To facilitate that, we’ll publish here, within our synopses of each meeting, the URLs for each of the posts making up each of the online gatherings we’ve hosted, September 2020 until present. To access a specific post, or view an entire meeting, just enter the corresponding URL(s) into your search engine.

September 2020

The September 12, 2020, virtual meeting began with our usual recap of recent pandemic news, the agenda for the afternoon, a couple of coronavirus parody songs, these YouTube gems having become a staple of all of our e-meetings, and a trivia game prepared by Keith Braithwaite challenging folk to identify superheroes by way of their secret identities (Post 1: www.monsffa.ca/?p=13335).

Next came Danny Sichel’s treatise on Education in SF/F (Post 2: www.monsffa.ca/?p=13182), exploring the genre’s depictions of how human beings teach and learn, and what happens when aliens, and even our planet’s other sentient species, are thrown into the mix, all attendant ramifications considered. Danny provided his “students” with a variety of examples from page and screen, and covered, too, the many cool schools depicted in SF/F—Hogwarts, Starfleet Academy, Discworld’s Unseen University, etc.

We paused for our customary mid-meeting break, offering here our established format, the “virtual display table,” a “raffle,” and our Zoom session (Post 3: www.monsffa.ca/?p=13285). The display table photographically showcases the various genre-related crafting projects on which folk are working, our raffle affords people a chance to win a participation prize in exchange for a contribution to, or comment on the meeting, and the Zoom session enables MonSFFen to touch base with each other via a brief video-chat. On this occasion, the latest issue of Warp was announced available, too.

The afternoon’s second presentation followed, Joe Aspler’s roster of Shakespearean actors in SF/F (Post 4: www.monsffa.ca/?p=12804), with Joe providing a long list of Shakespearean-trained thespians who’ve appeared in genre film and television productions, from William Shatner and Patrick Stewart to Keanu Reeves and Bugs Bunny!—lots of Canadians on the list, no doubt thanks to the famous Stratford Festival.

Sylvain St-Pierre added a gallery of backyard insects and arachnids (Post 5: www.monsffa.ca/?p=13064), often the inspiration for the bizarre aliens and sci-fi monsters to be found, frequently in giant form, on vintage science fiction magazine or paperback covers, and in genre cinema.

The meeting closed with a few more coronavirus parody songs, the answers to Keith’s earlier trivia test, and a couple more items of interest (Post 6: www.monsffa.ca/?p=13342). Thanks were accorded all involved and an invitation extended to reconvene in October for the club’s next virtual meeting.

October 2020

Our October 17 online get-together featured Halloween-themed content, beginning with Keith Braithwaite’s comical 19 Basic Rules for Surviving Halloween (Post 1: www.monsffa.ca/?p=14092), liberally illustrated with EC Comics-type horror panels positively dripping with blood!

Next came Sylvain St-Pierre’s examination of The Many Faces of the Moon (Post 2: www.monsffa.ca/?p=13785), in honour of a full and blue moon both falling on October 31—Halloween—a rather rare occurrence. From the superstitions and mythologies surrounding the moon to the many science fiction stories involving our closest celestial neighbour to speculations of future moon bases and more, Sylvain provided detailed information and amusing commentary on the topic.

The mid-meeting break followed (Post 3: www.monsffa.ca/?p=13711), again comprising all of this intermission’s familiar features.

The latter part of the agenda advanced Joe Aspler’s Mad Scientist Hall of Fame (Post 4: www.monsffa.ca/?p=13663), featuring boffins ranging from absent-minded to evil! Josée Bellemare then volunteered suggestions (Post 5: www.monsffa.ca/?p=13522) for celebrating under quarantine this special spooky Saturday (Halloween 2020 happened to fall on a Saturday), and Keith returned to wrap things up with the meeting’s final chapter (Post 6: www.monsffa.ca/?p=14098), recounting the story behind the popular line of classic movie-monster “all plastic assembly kits” produced by the Aurora Plastics Corporation during the 1960s and early-1970s, and the ensuing “Monster Craze” sparked by these models. Thanks were tendered to all of the afternoon’s contributors.

On a sad note, condolences were also offered on the passing of Lucio Zarlenga, a long-time manager at the downtown hotel that hosted MonSFFA’s monthly meetings. Lucio had been a wonderful friend to the club, always cutting us a great deal on function space rental, and providing above-board service regarding our sometimes unusual requirements.

November 2020

The assured penile online viagra sales erection with this drug application to diminish your elevation in blood pressure level or bipolar disorder then the physician usually advices to avail a moderate dosage in these conditions. In other states, fetching driver’s education may permit new tadalafil canada online drivers to get licenses without limitations. Recent studies have viagra without prescription canada reported that 50% of tinnitus sufferers (3%) to be precise. The Cause? The root cause to performance anxiety in Bed What Is It? Have I Got It? If http://deeprootsmag.org/2017/08/03/love-in-the-medici-court/ canadian tadalafil you are able to get an erection while sexual encounter. Before the routine introductory remarks, we found ourselves again extending condolences, this month to Josée Bellemare on the loss of her father to COVID-19.

A typical November meeting would have been given over to the club’s annual fund-raising sci-fi book sale, but given the continuing pandemic, we instead built our online gathering of the 14th around the theme of books.

Keith Braithwaite began by putting up a gallery of sci-fi magazine- and book-cover art, asking if MonSFFen were able to identify the SF/F artists who had painted these amazing images (Post 1: www.monsffa.ca/?p=14802).

Next up was Joe Aspler’s Big Book of Failed, Bad, and Foolish Predictions (Post 2: www.monsffa.ca/?p=14308), a droll look back through history to see how even distinguished scientists and other learned men got it wrong! “The construction of an aerial vehicle which could carry even a single man requires the discovery of some new metal or some new force,” proclaimed Professor Simon Newcomb in 1901. The Nova Scotia-born Newcomb was America’s most eminent astronomer at the time. Two years later, the Wright brothers successfully made the first (disputed by some!) powered flights in their illustrious Flyer near Kitty Hawk, North Carolina.

Our midway pause (Post 3: www.monsffa.ca/?p=14624) was true to the afternoon’s theme, highlighting in snapshots some of the sizable book collections of club members, and presenting for our merriment a number of book-related cartoons amid the break’s regular features.

Following this, we were presented with Sylvain St-Pierre’s Compendium of Unusual Books (Post 4: www.monsffa.ca/?p=14280), a collection of genre-flavoured tomes oversized and miniature, thick and thin, curio-like and elaborately decorative, including holy books and grimoires, pop-up books and hardcovers with hidden storage compartments cut into their pages. Josée Bellemare joined Sylvain to next mount a photographic tour of unique, beautifully appointed, and architecturally stunning bookshops and libraries from around the world (Post 5: www.monsffa.ca/?p=14485). Make-believe libraries, too, were included, like The Citadel (Game of Thrones) and the Jedi Library (Star Wars).

Keith closed the book on this meeting, divulging the names of the artists who had produced those cover images he assembled at the outset, and signing off until the next meeting with thanks to all involved (Post 6: www.monsffa.ca/?p=14823).

An addendum (Sign-Off: www.monsffa.ca/?p=14121) put up something of our own after-credits scene in the form of a vintage Merrie Melodies cartoon singing the praises of books.

December 2020

MonSFFA has not held a meeting in December for many moons. Rather, it has long been our practise to get together at a downtown restaurant/bar for dinner and drinks in celebration of the season. In the midst of a pandemic, clearly, that just wasn’t in the cards, so we opted to hold another of the online gatherings we’d been hosting since April, assigning a seasonal theme to the occasion, naturally!

Proceedings opened with seasonal greetings to all and the familiar introductory notes, plus a couple of Christmas-themed coronavirus parody songs, before the wrapping was torn off of Keith Braithwaite’s Trivia Challenge for the Festive Season and his personal list of must-see Christmas movies and TV specials, Miracle on 34th Street (1947), How the Grinch Stole Christmas (1966), and Die Hard (1988) among them (Post 1: www.monsffa.ca/?p=15264).

Our Zoom session (Post 2: www.monsffa.ca/?p=15234) was expanded for the first time—courtesy MonSFFA’s recently acquired Zoom subscription—and began at 1:30PM, running pretty much the whole length of the meeting, in tandem with the Web site-based content. During this video-chat, Keith gave a brief talk on the Yuletide classic It’s a Wonderful Life (1946), sharing clips and underlining the film’s alternate history sequence, in which suicidal protagonist George Bailey’s guardian angel allows him, on Christmas Eve, the chance to see what things would have been like for his family and friends had he never been born.

Meanwhile, Sylvain St-Pierre’s tutorial went up automatically on the Web site, this being an historical overview of Christmas and other seasonal celebrations, from the Winter Solstice and Scandinavia’s Yule to the origins of Santa Claus and sci-fi’s many twists on the holiday (Post 3: www.monsffa.ca/?p=15232).

Joe Aspler next outlined the history and traditions of Hanukkah (Post 4: www.monsffa.ca/?p=15123), and included NASA video of astronaut Jeffrey Hoffman spinning the first Dreidel in space aboard the space shuttle Endeavour! Joe simultaneously gave his seminar live as part of the Zoom.

The usual mid-meeting pause followed, with our display table sporting a couple of Christmas articles (Post 5: www.monsffa.ca/?p=15150), after which Josée Bellemare put forward The Many Ways of Joy (Post 6: www.monsffa.ca/?p=14958), her rundown of the various traditions extant at this time of year, from Christmas and Hanukkah to Kwanzaa and New Year’s Eve.

Festivities concluded (Post 7: www.monsffa.ca/?p=15364) with the answers to Keith’s earlier posted trivia quiz, a nod of thanks to everyone who contributed to the meeting, and a closing “Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good night!”

January 2021

We began 2021’s MonSFFActivities with our January 9 virtual conclave, kicking off a new year with word on the latest public health restriction to be imposed in the on-going battle with rising COVID-19 case numbers: a Québec-wide nightly curfew, scheduled to begin this very evening at 8:00PM. Also, having suspended the collection of annual membership fees almost a year ago after the club’s March 2020 meeting, notice was here given of MonSFFA’s intention to start collecting said fees again, beginning in April 2021. Keith Braithwaite opened programming proper with his New Year’s Anagram Challenge, in which folk were tasked with unscrambling a list of names that sounded like those of fresh Star Wars characters, but were really those of sci-fi luminaries. And, as MonSFFA’s 2021 Executive Committee was to be selected during the afternoon’s Zoom session, a primer laid out the details of the club’s election procedures, modified this year to unfold online (Post 1: www.monsffa.ca/?p=15855).

At 1:30PM, our Zoom session opened (Post 2: www.monsffa.ca/?p=15635) and would run the length of the meeting, as it had the previous month. Shortly thereafter, Danny Sichel put up Other People’s Toys (Post 3: www.monsffa.ca/?p=15617), his discussion of fan fiction, or “fanfic.” He covered fanfic’s origins, definition, what motivates us to indulge in the form, what is and is not fanfic, the legal questions arising, and so on.

Break-time was upon us (Post 4: www.monsffa.ca/?p=15539) and during this recess, the club’s elections took place (see “Sitting Executive Acclaimed to Office for 2021,” above) and a request was made for more folk to pitch in with content for future meetings.

Joe Aspler was up next with his Libraries, Books, and L-Space (Post 5: www.monsffa.ca/?p=15619), exploring the power and magic of books and the places that house them through the works of Terry Pratchett and others. Amazingly, Joe even gave “proof” of the genuine existence of L-space, those multidimensional folds within which all libraries everywhere are connected!

Sylvain St-Pierre’s Stone Age Gallery (Post 6: www.monsffa.ca/?p=15622) was an assemblage of various things prehistoric, from paleontological drawings and murals to comic books about antediluvian exploits and screen adventures starring dinosaurs. Sylvain felt that the world could use a reset after last year, so why not start at the beginning?

Keith wrapped up by unscrambling for folks those anagrams he’d posted at the top of the meeting, giving thanks to those who saw to the afternoon’s programming, and inviting people to return the following month for another MonSFFA DIY, Virtual Meeting (Post 7: www.monsffa.ca/?p=15860).

 

 

MonSFFA’s sitting Executive Committee will be acclaimed to office for another year as no other candidates presented themselves for consideration earlier today while the club held its annual elections for president, vice-president, and treasurer, respectively. This marked the first time ever the vote was carried out online, necessitated by current circumstances.

Cathy Palmer-Lister, Keith Braithwaite, and Sylvain St-Pierre all ran again for the same positions they held during 2020: president, vice-president, and treasurer, respectively.

As they ran unchallenged, and all were prepared to continue in their respective positions, they were unofficially declared acclaimed to office. An official confirmation will come in advance of the scheduled February 13 virtual meeting, at which time a formal announcement will be made ushering MonSFFA’s 2021 Executive Committee into office, with congratulations extended.

Thanks to all club members who participated in the vote. Please stay safe and isolate at home between 8:00PM and 5:00AM nightly, in accordance with new government pandemic protocols.

 

For the benefit of MonSFFen and in accordance with our practice, we reiterate here information concerning and procedures for the election of the club’s Executive Committee:

Individuals purchase non specific cialis 5mg sale 100mg online as this drug works even in such health conditions. This isn’t to say that discount order viagra isn’t without its positive attributes. So, avoid viagra buy usa doing excessive masturbation and herbal remedies for weak erection. In the long run this tactic will provide you with far more benefits, SEO and otherwise. cute-n-tiny.com viagra 100 mg MonSFFA begins each year with the election of its Executive Committee for that upcoming 12 months. These elections always take place at our first meeting of the year, in January, and are confirmed and officially announced at the following meeting, in February. All MonSFFA members in good standing are encouraged to attend the January meeting and participate.

All MonSFFA members in good standing, having paid in full their annual membership fees, are eligible to cast a ballot. Members are asked to be present at the designated place and time in order to exercise their right to vote. Proxy voting is not permitted, except under special circumstance and by approval of the chief returning officer (CRO). Out-of-town members unable to attend the vote in person, for example, may have their ballots cast by the CRO in their absence. Potential candidates are encouraged to advise the CRO of their intention to run for one of the three specified offices as soon as possible in advance of the election.

This year we found ourselves in unique circumstances requiring that we adapt our procedures. As we are, for the duration of the coronavirus crisis, carrying out club activities exclusively online, this year’s was, for the first ever, a cyber-election. Our 2021 Executive was selected during today’s Zoom session by those club members present online, as well as those participating via a non-visual connection, who cast their votes verbally or by text communication.

MonSFFA elects annually a president, vice-president, and treasurer—who together form the Executive Committee—and charges them with the responsibility of running the club on behalf of the membership. These executives recruit advisors and appoint officers to assist them in carrying out this responsibility.

Any MonSFFA member in good standing who is responsibly and reliably able to carry out the duties of office may run for any one of the Executive posts. Candidates may nominate themselves, or accept nomination from another member in good standing. Nominations are received by the CRO, usually just before the commencement of voting on Election Day.

This is post 7 of 7 this afternoon and will bring to a close the principal content offered in this, our January virtual meeting. If you’re just now joining us, scroll back to today’s Post 1 of 7 to enjoy the whole meeting, start to finish.

 

14) ANAGRAMS UNSCRAMBLED!

We’ve unscrambled the anagrams we ran in our opening post earlier this afternoon to reveal, here below, the names of notable science fiction characters, writers, and filmmakers! Check your answers against these:

1) GARFO SHLOND sounds like a Star Wars character, but is actually an anagram for this early sci-fi hero: FLASH GORDON

2) NAWRED MONWO sounds like a Star Wars character, but is actually an anagram for this favourite comic book Gal: WONDER WOMAN

3) VOSSI ACAMAI sounds like a Star Wars character, but is actually an anagram for this prolific science fiction writer: ISAAC ASIMOV

4) SARL DENOHI sounds like a Star Wars character, but is actually an anagram for this prognosticator: HARI SELDON

5) Captain JEMIR TARISUSI BEKK sounds like a Star Wars character, but is actually an anagram for this leader from a competing franchise: Captain JAMES TIBERIUS KIRK

6) VENRU JEELS sounds like a Star Wars character, but is actually an anagram for this world-famous science fiction writer: JULES VERNE

7) BREK MARTOS sounds like a Star Wars character, but is actually an anagram for this genre-defining author: BRAM STOKER

8) PLEEN EYRILL sounds like a Star Wars character, but is actually an anagram for this survivor of a close encounter: ELLEN RIPLEY

9) TEC THOROD sounds like a Star Wars character, but is actually an anagram for this long-lived traveller: THE DOCTOR

10) NOOB WRINSILL sounds like a Star Wars character, but is actually an anagram for this young space pioneer: WILL ROBINSON

11) JEMURI THRILD sounds like a Star Wars character, but is actually an anagram for this foremost American/Canadian editor, writer, and political activist: JUDITH MERRIL

12) AN JOLWOT sounds like a Star Wars character, but is actually an anagram for this award-winning, Montreal-based writer and poet: JO WALTON

13) WREEN BACYU sounds like a Star Wars character, but is actually an anagram for this traumatized individual: BRUCE WAYNE

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15) POGGEE RAL sounds like a Star Wars character, but is actually an anagram for this classic sci-fi filmmaker: GEORGE PAL

16) TORR JENACH sounds like a Star Wars character, but is actually an anagram for this early hero of sci-fi literature: JOHN CARTER

17) SANUZAR GOLL sounds like a Star Wars character, but is actually an anagram for this well-bred protagonist: LAZARUS LONG

18) MUX FRELOD sounds like a Star Wars character, but is actually an anagram for this true believer: FOX MULDER

19) SHAAR RENNOC sounds like a Star Wars character, but is actually an anagram for this mother: SARAH CONNER

20) JORN PHENTECAR sounds like a Star Wars character, but is actually an anagram for this director, who has a Thing for horror and sci-fi: JOHN CARPENTER

21) REY SHYAANUHARR sounds like a Star Wars character, but is actually an anagram for this influential filmmaker: RAY HARRYHAUSEN

15) A THIRD CORONAVIRUS PARODY SONG 

From Jigsaw Health co-founder and CEO Patrick Sullivan Jr., we learn that this health and wellness outfit “has many friends who are…working from home” and “struggling right now in some form or another” under the yoke of this pandemic. Noting that laughter is the best medicine, he adds: “Please allow us this attempt at comic relief while we work from home to maintain our supply chains…and our sanity!” The coronavirus parody his people put together features Ashley Leroux singing lyrics penned by Rick Polito; the song was posted on Jigsaw Health’s YouTube channel, which is where we found it:

 16) THANK YOU!

We hope you have enjoyed your time with us this afternoon, and we ask all of you to check in regularly here at www.MonSFFA.ca for additional content during this continuing pandemic, and for any news as to when the club expects a return to face-to-face meetings. Thank you for your interest and attention, and don’t forget to comment on today’s offerings!

We’d also like to thank Danny Sichel, Sylvain St-Pierre, Joe Aspler, Keith Braithwaite, and Cathy Palmer-Lister for putting this January 9, 2021 DIY, Virtual MonSFFA Meeting together, with a nod, as well, to our supporting contributors today.

Until next month, when we will gather virtually once more, please isolate in your homes, continue to practise social distancing in public, wear your mask, wash your hands often, and get your shots as soon as the vaccination is made available to you! Continued patience, discipline, and emotional fortitude is crucial to seeing us all safely through these final months of this accursed pandemic!

17) FINAL PARODY SONG

 We wrap up with this bouncy little number by Kyla Schoer and Aaron Bernbach, who posted it on her “aschoerthing” YouTube channel:

This is post 1 of 7 related posts which together make up our January 9, 2020, DIY, Virtual MonSFFA Meeting, our first of the New Year!

Attention all personnel… Maintain “Red Alert!”

1) WELCOME TO 2021!

As it happens, we begin the New Year, and our 2021 meeting schedule, on the very day that Quebec enters a month-long enhanced lockdown, with additional restrictions now added to those already in place. Most severe of these is a nightly curfew, confining Quebécers to their homes from 8:00PM to 5:00AM in an attempt to categorically stem the pervasive spread of the virus, in large part a result of continuing social contact amongst too many citizens who obstinately resist compliance with public health directives. Described by Premiere Legault as akin to “electroshock therapy,” the hope is that this latest measure will see the province’s spiralling rate of infection fall appreciably over the coming weeks, bringing much-needed relief to our overburdened health system.

With vaccine distribution having tentatively begun, the federal government remains confident that all Canadians will have opportunity to receive a shot by September. As for the immediate future, it will likely be a difficult winter for many. But we know better days are to come, sooner we hope, rather than later. This pandemic’s second wave has been utterly devastating for our city and province, as well as for the rest of the country, and indeed, much of the world. Case numbers and hospitalizations rose to unprecedented levels during the recent Holiday period and things may well get worse before they start getting better.

Notwithstanding the irresponsible behaviour of some, including a number of sun-vacationing politicians, we recognize the vital importance of steadfastly carrying on with all recommended safety protocols—you know the drill!—as this virus is not yet subdued.

Enough said on that topic.

2) MEMBERSHIP RENEWALS

As you all know, the pandemic has disrupted the normal operation of the club. We have not been able to safely meet, face-to-face in a conference room or similar facility, since March of last year, when the coronavirus crisis began to take hold. At that time, restrictions to deter routine social contact and group gatherings, such as our monthly club meetings, were introduced and the first lockdowns imposed by authorities. Based on the information disseminated by the government in those initial weeks, we anticipated that these controls would interrupt things for three or four months, perhaps a little longer. We fully expected to return to our customary meetings sometime in late-summer, early-fall 2020.

In order to maintain as best we could a connection with our membership in the interim, we began presenting virtual seminars on the club’s Web site, scheduled on the dates which would have marked our usual in-person meetings and events. Our April 4, 2020 “DIY, Virtual MonSFFA Meeting” was the first of these, offering magazine article- and PowerPoint-like presentations, and other content put up over the course of the afternoon through which folk could scroll and offer online comment. June’s e-meeting introduced a brief Zoom get-together which allowed a live video chat and most recently, we’ve expanded that chat to several hours, Zooming alongside while the meeting content is posted on the Web site.

Because we at first thought the pandemic would amount to a relatively short interruption of a few months, the club’s Executive decided to put on hold the payment of annual membership fees for the duration. “When we had to suspend meetings, we also suspended the fees,” explains club president Cathy Palmer-Lister. But the pandemic stretched well past summer into fall, winter, and the New Year. We now find ourselves looking at a return to normal in fall 2021 at the earliest!

For much of last year, then, the club collected no revenue whatsoever. Not a single dime! We had to cancel our usually lucrative November sci-fi book sale, of course, and we’ve been unable to benefit even from the modest income normally generated by fund-raising raffles and our snack table, staples of the club’s monthly meetings. While we are not shelling out for the major expense of renting meeting space, we are still incurring costs, for the Web site, fanzine printings, postal mailings, and now for a Zoom subscription that permits us to hold our extended video chats as part of each month’s virtual meeting.

Long story short: to date, the club has weathered well the financial hit wrought by the pandemic, but our treasure chest is not bottomless. It’s no random coincidence that the photographs accompanying this segment are of a collection of vintage space-themed coin banks! That’s to subtlety remind you that it takes bucks to maintain all of this Buck Rogers stuff!

As our last physical meeting was in March 2020, beginning in April 2021, “we will be asking members to start renewing their memberships as if last year never happened,” Cathy continues. (Would that it were true, such an alternate history scenario in which last year never happened!) So, if your annual membership fees were due in April 2020, that’s been bumped ahead a year and they are now due in April 2021. If May 2020 was your renewal month, consider it changed to May 2021, June 2020 to June 2021, and so on. All club members will receive that fees-free year of membership; 2020 renewal dates simply now become 2021 renewal dates.

And, we welcome any prospective members who may have discovered the club via these virtual meetings and invite them to officially join our ranks.

Note that there is no change to our fee structure. A standard one-year membership is still only $25; the premium Platinum Level membership, $35; a family membership (up to four people, single postal mailing address), $40; and the Platinum Family Level, $50. Make your cheques or money orders out to “MonSFFA” and mail to:

MonSFFA

c/o 4456 Boul. Ste-Rose

Laval, Québec, Canada

H7R 1Y6

3) TODAY’S MEETING: INTRODUCTION

We trust that all MonSFFen, their families, and the club’s friends enjoyed as merry a Holiday season as was possible under prevailing circumstances.

As we gather online for this month’s virtual club meeting, we take a moment to reiterate that our club members please take all possible precautions in order to keep themselves as protected from the virus as can be. It is especially important that we not let up on those safety protocols so that we may all make it through the winter.

This is our tenth virtual MonSFFA meeting. This afternoon’s get-together will unfold right here on the club’s Web site over the course of the next few hours, beginning with this first post, and followed by subsequent posts at 1:30PM, 1:45PM, 2:45PM, 3:15PM, and 4:15PM, with a concluding post at 4:30PM. All content will also be available concurrently on MonSFFA’s Facebook page (www.facebook.com/MonSFFA), however, note that the interface best suited for taking in this meeting is this very Web site.

After the success of our trial Zoom session last month, we’re happy to repeat that extended format this month and will open today’s session at 1:30PM, Zooming in parallel as the Web site-based content is put up right through until the meeting concludes. We’ll again offer some of our meeting content during the Zoom session. This augmented Zoom will afford folk opportunity to catch-up, post-Holidays, chat, and discuss with or ask questions of presenters directly.

As we cannot yet safely assemble in person, this January virtual meeting has been prepared especially for you, MonSFFA’s membership. Sit back, check out each of the afternoon’s posts, scroll down leisurely through the proffered content, and enjoy!

And don’t forget to comment on what we’ve presented. Let us know what you think of specific topics or the meeting overall. Your input helps us to tailor these virtual meetings for maximum interest and enjoyment.

You may also wish to Zoom with us during the course of the meeting. To join our expanded Zoom session, beginning at 1:30PM, click here: This Afternoon’s MonSFFA Zoom

If you’re not fully equipped to Zoom by computer, you can also join in by phone (voice only); in the Montreal area, the toll-free number to call is: 1-438-809-7799. If you’re from out of town, find your Zoom call-in number here: International Call-In Numbers

Have this information on hand as you may be asked to enter it:

Meeting ID: 827 7421 7545

Passcode: 086560

4) MEETING AGENDA

In This Afternoon’s Virtual Meeting:

1:00PM, Post 1 of 7 (Opening)

1) Welcome to 2021!

2) Membership Renewals

3) Introduction

4) Meeting Agenda

5) First Coronavirus Parody Song of New Year

6) New Year’s Anagram Challenge!

7) Primer: Club Elections

8) A Second Coronavirus Parody Song

1:30PM, Post 2 of 7 (Zoom!)

9) Expanded Zoom Session Begins (Runs until End of Meeting)

1:45PM, Post 3 of 7 (FanFic!)

10) Presentation: Other People’s Toys—FanFic and Beyond

2:45PM, Post 4 of 7 (Break)

11) Mid-Meeting Break (Club Elections, Display Table, Raffle, Continuing Zoom)

3:15PM, Post 5 of 7 (For the Love of Books!)

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4:15PM, Post 6 of 7 (Prehistoric Presentation!)

13) A Stone Age Gallery

4:30PM, Post 7 of 7 (Wrap-Up)

14) Anagrams Unscrambled!

15) A Third Coronavirus Parody Song

16) Thank-You!

17) A Final Parody Song

5) FIRST CORONAVIRUS PARODY SONG OF THE NEW YEAR

Many talented and witty songwriters/performers have been providing, throughout this COVID-19 crisis, gentle comic relief to us all, filking well-known rock and pop hits. Whenever given, we’ve credited by name these creators.

Vocalist Sean Petersen and the boys at Magnoli Clothiers Ltd. in New Zealand seem a rather creative bunch. We found this take on Europe’s hit Final Countdown on the company’s YouTube channel. Inspired by “film, theatre, books, and history,” Magnoli Clothiers produces custom clothing and prop reproductions, as well as, apparently, coronavirus parody songs!

6) NEW YEAR’S ANAGRAM CHALLENGE

MonSFFA’s Games Division extends our wishes for a Happy New Year to all club members and friends! It seems like only yesteryear that we celebrated 1984, then 1999, as well as 2001, and now we herald the astounding, futuristic year 2021! According to the film Moon Zero Two, by now we were supposed to have established lunar mining operations, and settlements like Moon City and Farside 5, along with regular passenger service to Mars and Venus!

Moon Zero Two was released in 1969 and as is so often the case, the science fiction got a little ahead of the science fact. So unpack your lunar hiking boots, Martian sunscreen, and Venusian bug spray; your flight has been delayed a few decades!

This is a year already better than the last, and in honour of 2021’s advent, here are 21 names that sound like Star Wars characters, but are actually anagrams of notable science fiction and fantasy luminaries, be they characters, writers, or filmmakers! Can you correctly unscramble each to identify the sci-fi star in question? We’ll publish the answers in the afternoon’s concluding Post 7 of 7, at 4:30PM.

1) GARFO SHLOND sounds like a Star Wars character, but is actually an anagram for this early sci-fi hero:

2) NAWRED MONWO sounds like a Star Wars character, but is actually an anagram for this favourite comic book Gal:

3) VOSSI ACAMAI sounds like a Star Wars character, but is actually an anagram for this prolific science fiction writer:

4) SARL DENOHI sounds like a Star Wars character, but is actually an anagram for this prognosticator:

5) Captain JEMIR TARISUSI BEKK sounds like a Star Wars character, but is actually an anagram for this leader from a competing franchise:

6) VENRU JEELS sounds like a Star Wars character, but is actually an anagram for this world-famous science fiction writer:

7) BREK MARTOS sounds like a Star Wars character, but is actually an anagram for this genre-defining author:

8) PLEEN EYRILL sounds like a Star Wars character, but is actually an anagram for this survivor of a close encounter:

9) TEC THOROD sounds like a Star Wars character, but is actually an anagram for this long-lived traveller:

10) NOOB WRINSILL sounds like a Star Wars character, but is actually an anagram for this young space pioneer:

11) JEMURI THRILD sounds like a Star Wars character, but is actually an anagram for this foremost American/Canadian editor, writer, and political activist:

12) AN JOLWOT sounds like a Star Wars character, but is actually an anagram for this award-winning, Montreal-based writer and poet:

13) WREEN BACYU sounds like a Star Wars character, but is actually an anagram for this traumatized individual:

14) FINY CRUK sounds like a Star Wars character, but is actually an anagram for this director:

15) POGGEE RAL sounds like a Star Wars character, but is actually an anagram for this classic sci-fi filmmaker:

16) TORR JENACH sounds like a Star Wars character, but is actually an anagram for this early hero of sci-fi literature:

17) SANUZAR GOLL sounds like a Star Wars character, but is actually an anagram for this well-bred protagonist:

18) MUX FRELOD sounds like a Star Wars character, but is actually an anagram for this true believer:

19) SHAAR RENNOC sounds like a Star Wars character, but is actually an anagram for this mother:

20) JORN PHENTECAR sounds like a Star Wars character, but is actually an anagram for this director, who has a Thing for horror and sci-fi:

21) REY SHYAANUHARR sounds like a Star Wars character, but is actually an anagram for this influential filmmaker:

7) PRIMER: ELECTION OF CLUB’S EXECUTIVE COMMITEE

For the benefit of MonSFFen and in accordance with our practice, we outline here information concerning and procedures for the election of the club’s Executive Committee:

MonSFFA begins each year with the election of its Executive Committee for that upcoming 12 months. These elections always take place at our first meeting of the year, in January, and are confirmed and officially announced at the following meeting, in February. All MonSFFA members in good standing are encouraged to attend the January meeting and participate.

All MonSFFA members in good standing, having paid in full their annual membership fees, are eligible to cast a ballot. Members are asked to be present at the designated place and time in order to exercise their right to vote. Proxy voting is not permitted, except under special circumstance and by approval of the chief returning officer (CRO). Out-of-town members unable to attend the vote in person, for example, may have their ballots cast by the CRO in their absence. Potential candidates are encouraged to advise the CRO of their intention to run for one of the three specified offices as soon as possible in advance of the election.

This year we find ourselves in unique circumstances requiring that we adapt our procedures. As we are, for the duration of the coronavirus crisis, carrying out club activities exclusively online, this year’s will be a cyber-election. Our 2021 Executive will be selected during today’s Zoom session by those club members present online. The vote will be conducted by a show of hands, excepting those participating via a non-visual connection, who will be able to either verbalize or indicate in the text/comments field their choices.

For the benefit of any members taking in today’s meeting at a later time, the names of the candidates and the positions for which each is running will be posted on the club’s Web site at 6:00PM today. Check the site for this post, make your choices, and e-mail your votes to us at webmaster@monsffa.ca before the end of this month, January. Your votes will be added to the tally recorded during the Zoom session.

All votes received will be tabulated, confirmed, and the election of MonSFFA’s 2021 Executive Committee officially announced during February’s virtual meeting.

MonSFFA elects annually a president, vice-president, and treasurer—who together form the Executive Committee—and charges them with the responsibility of running the club on behalf of the membership. These executives recruit advisors and appoint officers to assist them in carrying out this responsibility.

Our sitting Executive is as follows: Cathy Palmer-Lister, president; Keith Braithwaite, vice-president; Sylvain St-Pierre, treasurer.

Any MonSFFA member in good standing who is responsibly and reliably able to carry out the duties of office may run for any one of the Executive posts. Candidates may nominate themselves, or accept nomination from another member in good standing. Nominations are received by the CRO, usually just before the commencement of voting on Election Day.

8) A SECOND CORONAVIRUS PARODY SONG

We’ve featured tracks by the Holderness Family before and here they are again with a medley of TV series-inspired COVID parodies (Instagram@TheHoldernessFamily):

 

This is post 7 of 7 this afternoon and will bring to a close the principal content offered in this, our November virtual meeting. If you’re just now joining us, scroll back to today’s Post 1 of 7 to enjoy the whole meeting, start to finish.

14) ANSWERS TO TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Following are the answers to our special seasonal trivia challenge, put up earlier in Post 1 of 7; check your answers against these:

1) In the atrociously bad 1964 “Yuletide science fiction fantasy” Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, what are the names of the two Earth children kidnapped by the Martians?

A) Victor and Donna   B) Willie and Sue   C) Billy and Betty   D) Linus and Lucy

ANSWER: C) Billy and Betty

Victor Stiles and Donna Conforti were the actors who portrayed Billy and Betty.

Willie and Sue are adult characters in the black comedy Bad Santa (2003). Portrayed by Billy Bob Thornton, Willie is a sex-addicted, alcoholic, professional thief who annually lands a gig as a department store Santa and with his partner in crime, Marcus, a little person who dresses as an elf, rob the malls in which they are employed on Christmas Eve. Sue, played by Lauren Graham, is a woman with a Santa Claus fetish who Willie meets in a bar! Critics have called this film the antithesis of Miracle on 34th Street.

And, Linus and Lucy are, of course, the well-known van Pelt siblings, characters in the long-running Peanuts comic strip and featured players in television’s beloved animated Holiday special A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965).

2) 1978’s Star Wars Holiday Special included an animated sequence entitled “The Faithful Wookiee,” which introduced a new character to Star Wars canon. Name that character:

ANSWER: Bounty hunter Boba Fett

3) Name the Canadian animation studio that George Lucas enlisted to produce this “Faithful Wookiee” cartoon:

ANSWER: Nelvana

Headquartered in Toronto, Nelvana Limited, now Nelvana Enterprises, was founded in 1971 and produces principally children’s programming. George Lucas was a fan of the studio and chose Nelvana to produce the 10-minute short for the Star Wars Holiday Special. The cartoon is widely considered to be the only redeeming part of an otherwise abysmal, embarrassingly unwatchable pile of Bantha poodoo.

4) Which of these groupings does not belong?

A) Kimar, Momar, Bomar, and Girmar   B) Chochem, Hargo, Rigna, and Lomas   C) Gimmel, Nun, Hey, and Shin   D) Voldar, Stobo, Shim, and Torg

ANSWER: C) Gimmel, Nun, Hey, and Shin

These Hebrew letters are inscribed, one on each of the four sides of a dreidel, a spinning top associated with Hanukkah, the Jewish Festival of Lights. They stand for the phrase “Nes gadôl hayah sham,” or in English, “A great miracle happened there.” In Israel, the phrase is modified slightly to read “Nes gadôl hayah poh,” or “A great miracle happened here.”

The rest are the names of Martian characters in Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.

5) What is the clever postal code created by Canada Post for the North Pole?

ANSWER: H0H 0H0

6) What is the title of The Big Bang Theory episode in which Penny gifts Sheldon with a unique Christmas present: a restaurant napkin that Star Trek star Leonard Nimoy had used to wipe his mouth, and which he subsequently autographed to Sheldon at waitress Penny’s request?

A) “The Santa Simulation”   B) “The Bath Item Gift Hypothesis”            C) “The Holiday Summation”   D) “The Cooper Extraction”

ANSWER: B) “The Bath Item Gift Hypothesis”

All of these Big Bang Theory episodes are Holiday-themed, but most unforgettable is this earliest, which aired on December 15, 2008, during the show’s second season. Sheldon is overwhelmed by Penny’s present. Not only is the gift personalized and signed by his hero, but by virtue of Nimoy having wiped his mouth with the napkin, also holds a sample of the actor’s DNA, from which, Sheldon excitedly asserts, “I can grow my own Leonard Nimoy!” He is so very taken by Penny’s present that he gives her an uncharacteristic hug.

7) In the above-mentioned Big Bang Theory episode, when Penny presents her gift to Sheldon, what is she wearing on her head?

A) Foam reindeer antlers   B) A red Santa Claus hat trimmed in white faux fur   C) A tiara   D) Nothing

ANSWER: B) A red Santa Claus hat trimmed in white faux fur

8) How many ghosts appear to surly Ebenezer Scrooge in A Christmas Carol?

ANSWER: Four

In addition to the spirits of Christmas Past, Present, and Yet to Come, a fourth ghost, that of Scrooge’s deceased business partner, Jacob Marley, first appears to Scrooge and foretells of the impending visits by the three Christmas spectres.

9) Who does not belong?

A) George C. Scott   B) Patrick Stewart   C) Alastair Sim   D) Jim Carrey   E) Colin Baker   F) Basil Rathbone   G) Walter Matthau   H) Michael Caine

ANSWER: E) Colin Baker

All but Colin Baker have played Ebenezer Scrooge in screen adaptations of A Christmas Carol, of which there have been many. Baker did appear in a 2015 musical adaptation of the story, but as author Charles Dickens.

George C. Scott received an Emmy nomination for his portrayal in a 1984 made-for-television film of Dickens’ famous Christmas tale. Patrick Stewart starred in another TV version, 1999’s A Christmas Carol, inspired by his one-man stage adaptation. Alastair Sim took on the role in what many critics consider the definitive screen version of the story, 1951’s Scrooge, a British production retitled A Christmas Carol for the American market. Jim Carrey interpreted not only Scrooge, but all three of the Christmas ghosts in a 2009 motion-capture, 3D computer-animated feature film. Basil Rathbone and Walter Matthau each starred as the curmudgeon in separate productions of The Stingiest Man in Town, Rathbone in a televised 1956 live musical presentation for The Alcoa Hour, and Matthau voicing the character for a 1978 Rankin-Bass animated adaptation in which Scrooge was drawn to resemble Matthau. And finally, Michael Caine starred as Scrooge in 1992’s The Muppet Christmas Carol.

10) While romancing Mary Hatch early in the perennial Christmas gem It’s a Wonderful Life (1946), what does George Bailey offer to throw a lasso around and gift to her?

A) A star   B) The moon   C) The sun   D) A steer

ANSWER: B) The moon

11) In the Lost in Space episode “Return From Outer Space,” against his father’s express orders, young Will Robinson employs dangerous alien technology to matter-transfer himself across the gulf of space and back to Earth, materializing in a small town at Christmastime. His plan is to alert Alpha Control at Cape Kennedy of his family’s location on a distant, barren planet so that a rescue ship might be dispatched. But no one in town believes that he’s a member of the famous First Family in Space, long missing and now presumed dead! In what U.S. state is located the small town to which Will beams himself?

A) Connecticut   B) Maine   C) North Dakota   D) Vermont

ANSWER: D) Vermont

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The fictional town of Hatfield Four Corners is located in Vermont, a state bordering Quebec and less than two hours’ drive south of Montreal.

12) Because nothing says Yuletide like math, in “The Twelve Days of Christmas,” how many presents are given altogether?

ANSWER: 364

Here’s the breakdown: partridges in a pear tree (1 × 12 = 12); turtle doves (2 × 11 = 22); French hens (3 × 10 = 30); calling birds (4 × 9 = 36); golden rings (5 × 8 = 40); geese a-laying (6 × 7 = 42); swans a-swimming (7 × 6 = 42); maids a-milking (8 × 5 = 40); ladies dancing  (9 × 4 = 36); lords a-leaping (10 × 3 = 30); pipers playing (11 × 2 = 22); drummers drumming (12 × 1 = 12). Adding all these subtotals provides us with the grand total of gifts given (12 + 22 + 30 + 36 + 40 + 42 + 42 + 40 + 36 + 30 + 22 + 12 = 364)!

13) In It’s a Wonderful Life, a distraught and suicidal George Bailey is certain that his family and friends would have been better off had he never been born, and in a chilling alternate-history sequence, his guardian angel, Clarence Odbody, allows him a look at just such a scenario in a bid to convince George otherwise. The two stop for a drink at a bar George finds markedly changed from the friendly watering hole he’d always known. He orders a double bourbon; what does Clarence order?

A) A flaming rum punch   B) A vodka martini, shaken, not stirred        C) A mulled wine, heavy on the cinnamon, light on the troubles!        D) A beer

ANSWER: C) A mulled wine, heavy on the cinnamon, light on the troubles!

14) What are the names of George and Mary Bailey’s four children, erased from existence in the alternate history in which George was never born?

ANSWER: Pete, Janie, Tommy, and Zuzu

15) In the concluding act of Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, which character becomes the Martian Santa Claus?

ANSWER: Dropo, assistant to Martian ruler Kimar. Noting that Dropo comports himself very much as he does, it is Santa Claus himself who suggests that Dropo would make a fine Martian Santa Claus.

16) In the original Christmas classic Miracle on 34th Street (1947), what is the name of the judge who presides over the hearing to determine if one Kris Kringle is a delusional old man who should be institutionalized or, in fact, the one and only Santa Claus, as he claims

A) Henry X. Harper   B) R. H. Macy   C) Thomas Mara   D) Fred Gailey

ANSWER: A) Henry X. Harper

In a climactic scene, Judge Harper accepts the evidence presented of bags of letters addressed to Santa Claus that the United States Postal Service, a branch of the federal government, has delivered to the defendant, thereby acknowledging that Kris Kringle is, indeed, Santa Claus. As the government so recognizes him, “this court will not dispute it,” states the judge, dismissing the case to cheers from the spectators present.

H. Macy is the owner of Macy’s Department Store, the New York City landmark that had hired Mr. Kringle as a store Santa Claus. Thomas Mara is the district attorney prosecuting the case against Kringle, in the end reluctantly, and Fred Gailey is Kringle’s lawyer.

17) Name all of Santa’s reindeer!

ANSWER: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, and Rudolph

Clement Clarke Moore’s 1823 poem, “A Visit From St. Nicholas,” or more commonly, “’Twas the Night Before Christmas,” cites an original eight tiny reindeer. Owing to his bright, shiny red nose, Rudolph, the most famous reindeer of all, joined the team in 1939, bringing the total number to nine. Rudolph was born of a marketing campaign launched by the Chicago-based department store Montgomery Ward to promote the Holiday season.

While most of the team are generally perceived to be male, interestingly, male reindeer lose their antlers in early December once mating season has ended, while the females retain theirs throughout the winter. As Santa’s reindeer are always depicted sporting their antlers, scientifically therefore, one can only conclude that they are all female. Of course, it may be that this particular breed of magical flying reindeer do not adhere to the laws of nature as do their conventional woodland cousins!

18) Thurl Ravenscroft was, for decades, an uncredited but important contributor to 1966’s classic Holiday TV special How the Grinch Stole Christmas. What was his contribution to the production?

A) He directed the piece.   B) He wrote the screenplay.   C) He wrote the lyrics to the songs featured.   D) He sang the memorable “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch.”

ANSWER: D) He sang the memorable “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch.”

Ravenscroft’s basso vocals are often mistakenly attributed to horror film icon Boris Karloff, who voiced the Grinch and provided narration. The show was directed by legendary animated filmmaker Chuck Jones, known for his work on the Looney Tunes and Merrie Melodies cartoons. The screenplay and lyrics for the three songs featured were penned by Theodore “Ted” Geisel, better known by his nom de plume, Dr. Suess, upon whose 1957 children’s book the production was based.

19) The night before his famous transatlantic flight in 1927, aviator Charles Lindbergh stored his Spirit of St. Louis airplane in a hangar later repurposed as a film studio in which was produced what Christmas movie?

ANSWER: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians

BONUS QUESTION! As a boy in 1919, It’s a Wonderful Life’s central character, George Bailey, works at a drugstore in his hometown of Bedford Falls. One day he finds is boss, Mr. Gower, grief-stricken at news he’d received by telegram, which caused him in distraction to inadvertently fill an order with a poisonous mixture of the wrong medicine. George tries to tell him of his mistake but the anguished man irately sends him on his way. When George returns later without having made the delivery, the druggist angrily berates him until the boy finally blurts out that Gower had made a terrible error. Gower realizes that George has saved the day and hugs the boy in thanks. What was the news that had so upset Mr. Gower?

ANSWER: He had received word that his son, away at college, had died suddenly of influenza, no doubt a victim of the Spanish flu pandemic.

15) ANOTHER CHRISTMAS CORONAVIRUS PARODY SONG

Gracey Messina is backed by the YVR Pop Choir for this Mariah Carey-inspired ode to social distancing (www.facebook.com/thechorusstudio):

 16) THANK YOU!

We hope you have enjoyed your time with us this afternoon, and we ask all of you to check in regularly here at www.MonSFFA.ca for additional content during this continuing pandemic, and for any news as to when the club expects a return to face-to-face meetings. Thank you for your interest and attention, and don’t forget to comment on today’s offerings!

We’d also like to thank Sylvain St-Pierre, Joe Aspler, Josée Bellemare, Keith Braithwaite, and Cathy Palmer-Lister for putting this December 12, 2020 DIY, Virtual MonSFFA Meeting together, with a nod, as well, to our supporting contributors today.

Until next year, when we will gather virtually on Saturday, January 9, for our first meeting of 2021, please eschew gatherings, continue to practise social distancing, wear your mask, wash your hands often, and get your shots as soon as the vaccination is made available to you! Continuing patience, discipline, and emotional fortitude is now vital in seeing us all safely through these final months of the pandemic!

Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good night…

17) FINAL PARODY SONG

We wrap up with recording artist Chris Mann’s take on the “Twelve Days of Christmas,” reworked for these anxious times (www.officialchrismann.com):

 

This is post 1 of 7 related posts which together make up our December 12, 2020, DIY, Virtual MonSFFA Meeting.

 Attention all personnel… Maintain “Red Alert!”

1) SEASON’S GREETINGS

We begin with wishes to all MonSFFen, their families, and the club’s friends for a very Merry Christmas, a Joyful Holiday season, and a Happy New Year that we desperately hope will be better than this one!

2) GOING VIRAL!

Since our last virtual meeting in mid-November, Canada’s COVID-19 numbers have relentlessly increased and are stubbornly resisting any appreciable diminution, despite, it seems, all efforts at curbing their growth. The Atlantic bubble has burst, B.C. and the Western provinces are experiencing record escalations in cases, and Ontario is now regularly surpassing Quebec’s frightening daily numbers, with Toronto supplanting Montreal as the nation’s hot zone. Even remote and once coronavirus-free Nunavut is reporting outbreaks. Hospitals across the land are at or have surpassed capacity, and doctors and nurses, who have been battling the virus since March, are exhausted!

As a salve to our collective anxiety, Premier Legault put forth a “moral contract,” allowing limited deconfinement, and thus Holiday gatherings over the Christmas Eve-Boxing Day weekend, but shortly thereafter was compelled to withdraw the offer as Quebec’s numbers continued to spiral ever upward and very real fears of overwhelming the already fragile medical system took hold. Calls for a “short-circuit” full lockdown to stop the virus’ spread are mounting, with advocates pointing out that the Holiday season would be the opportune time to enact such a strategy as schools and many businesses are already closed for a couple of weeks and commerce tends to slow down in early January anyway.

Canadians, meanwhile, are buoyed by the recent news of several vaccine candidates now either under review or approved for use by Health Canada, with an initial roll-out imminent. But have too many of us relaxed our vigilance regarding mitigation protocols with a cure now in sight, or is it that many are simply tired of all the restrictions under which we’ve been living for the better part of a year, now? In the most delusionally extreme instances, some have convinced themselves that the virus is not as deadly as authorities claim, or even that it’s a hoax and doesn’t exist at all, justifying in their minds the ignoring of safety protocols! Such may be a factor in the coronavirus’ resilience against our efforts to stamp it out. We are all moving indoors and in closer proximity to each other as winter arrives and this, too, is certainly a factor in the virus’ robust persistence. We must not relax our guard quite yet.

The pending vaccines are good news, to be sure, but it will take time to produce and distribute the millions of doses required to inoculate the country, and indeed, the world. Prime Minister Trudeau has speculated that it could be September of next year before an ample number of Canadians will have been vaccinated.

So we’ve got months to go yet before we can breathe a sigh of relief, during which time we must find it within ourselves to soldier on a while longer, continuing with all recommended mitigation protocols—the wearing of face masks, the practise of social distancing, the washing of hands thoroughly and often, use of a hand sanitizer, refraining from even modest gatherings, remaining isolated at home and venturing out only on essential errands.

Stock an empty shelf with books to read during the coming winter months, set up your Netflix queue, Zoom or some such with family and friends often, play your favourite games, and exercise your creative side with craft projects, suggestions that can only help make the months of isolation pass more quickly.

3) INTRODUCTION

As we gather online for this month’s virtual club meeting, in place of the downtown Christmas Dinner/Party that is our December tradition, and to which we will return post-COVID, we take a moment to beseech club members to please take all possible precautions in order to keep yourselves as protected from infection as can be. It is especially important that we not let up on those safety protocols so that we may all make it through this adversity.

This is our ninth virtual MonSFFA meeting and the last of 2020. Today’s get-together will unfold right here on the club’s Web site over the course of the afternoon, beginning with this first post, and followed by subsequent posts at 1:30PM, 1:45PM, 2:30PM, 3:00PM, and 4:00PM, with a concluding post at 4:30PM. All content will also be available concurrently on MonSFFA’s Facebook page (www.facebook.com/MonSFFA), however, note that the interface best suited for taking in this meeting is this very Web site.

In addition, our mid-meeting Zoom session has been expanded for this virtual gathering and will begin early, at 1:30PM, and run until the meeting concludes. In order to provide some element of the face-to-face Dinner/Party that we would have been hosting were it not for current circumstances, we’ll be trying our hand at selected Zoom versions of some of the presentations we’re posting in tandem on our Web site. Through this augmented Zoom session, folk will have opportunity to hear directly from the presenters on their given topics, pose questions, discuss, and generally chat. It being that most wonderful time of the year, our focus today will be on the seasonal and festive.

As we cannot yet safely assemble in person, this December virtual meeting has been prepared especially for you, MonSFFA’s membership. Sit back, check out each of the afternoon’s posts, scroll down leisurely through the proffered content, and enjoy!

And don’t forget to comment on what we’ve presented. Let us know what you think of specific topics or the meeting overall. Your input helps us to tailor these virtual meetings for maximum interest and enjoyment.

You may also wish to Zoom with us during the course of the meeting. To join our expanded Zoom session, beginning at 1:30PM, click here: This Afternoon’s MonSFFA Zoom

If you’re not fully equipped to Zoom by computer, you can also join in by phone (voice only); in the Montreal area, the toll-free number to call is: 1-438-809-7799. If you’re from out of town, find your Zoom call-in number here: International Call-In Numbers

Have this information on hand as you may be asked to enter it:

Meeting ID: 852 4130 1716

Passcode: 429167

4) MEETING AGENDA

In This Afternoon’s Virtual Meeting:

1:00PM, Post 1 of 7 (Opening)

1) Season’ Greetings

2) Going Viral!

3) Introduction

4) Meeting Agenda

5) Opening Christmas Coronavirus Parody Song

6) Trivia Challenge for the Festive Season

7) Keith’s Must-See List for the Holiday Season

8) A Second Christmas Coronavirus Parody Song

1:30PM, Post 2 of 7 (Zoom!)

9) Expanded Zoom Session Begins (Runs Until End of Meeting)

1:45PM, Post 3 of 7 (Holidays Special!)

10) Presentation: MonSFFA Holidays Special

2:30PM, Post 4 of 7 (Chanukkah!)

11) Presentation: Introduction to Chanukkah

3:00PM, Post 5 of 7 (Break)

12) Mid-Meeting Break (Milk and Cookies, Display Table, Raffle, Continuing Zoom)

4:00PM, Post 6 of 7 (Joy!)

13) Presentation: The Many Ways of Joy

4:30PM, Post 7 of 7 (Closing)

14) Answers to Trivia Challenge!

15) Another Christmas Coronavirus Parody Song

16) Thank-You!

17) A Final Parody Song

 

5) OPENING CHRISTMAS CORONAVIRUS PARODY SONG

Many talented and witty songwriters/performers have been providing, throughout this COVID-19 crisis, gentle comic relief to us all, filking well-known rock and pop hits. Whenever given, we’ve credited by name these creators.

This juicy opening number, “WTF 2020,” is by L.A.-based actress/singer Whitney Avalon (twitter.com/whitneyavalon). As the title hints, the lyrics are a tad indelicate and may be considered unseemly by some, but it’s an amusing, well executed song. That said, we felt it prudent to stifle the problematic language, given that some of our audience today may well have present in their households and within earshot young children. At the same time, we’ve tried to maintain as much as possible the spirit of the piece:

Look up Whitney’s original, unfiltered song online if you want the full monty!

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Christmas movies and television specials are not generally considered SF/F, but any story centered on a jolly old elf capable of hitting every household on the planet to deliver so many gifts in one night has got to be rocking some kind of time-altering technology, right? Sounds sci-fi to us! And magical creatures like flying reindeer and snowmen come to life by means of an old silk hat must certainly be categorized under the fantasy heading!

Many sci-fi television series have featured episodes that play on Holiday themes, from The Twilight Zone (“Night of the Meek,” “Five Characters in Search of an Exit,” among others) and animated Batman (“Christmas with the Joker,” “Holiday Knights”) to Quantum Leap (“A Little Miracle,” “Promised Land,”) and Doctor Who (“The Christmas Invasion,” “A Christmas Carol,” “Last Christmas,” to name a few)!

Test your knowledge of Christmas and Holiday films, TV specials, and things festive with this sci-fi flavoured trivia challenge; answers will be provided in our closing Post 7 of 7 at 4:30PM this afternoon. Good luck!

1) In the atrociously bad 1964 “Yuletide science fiction fantasy” Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, what are the names of the two Earth children kidnapped by the Martians?

A) Victor and Donna   B) Willie and Sue   C) Billy and Betty   D) Linus and Lucy

2) 1978’s Star Wars Holiday Special included an animated sequence entitled “The Faithful Wookiee,” which introduced a new character to Star Wars canon. Name that character:

3) Name the Canadian animation studio that George Lucas enlisted to produce this “Faithful Wookiee” cartoon:

4) Which of these groupings does not belong?

A) Kimar, Momar, Bomar, and Girmar   C) Chochem, Hargo, Rigna, and Lomas   B) Gimmel, Nun, Hey, and Shin   D) Voldar, Stobo, Shim, and Torg

5) What is the clever postal code created by Canada Post for the North Pole?

6) What is the title of The Big Bang Theory episode in which Penny gifts Sheldon with a unique Christmas present: a restaurant napkin that Star Trek star Leonard Nimoy had used to wipe his mouth, and which he subsequently autographed to Sheldon at waitress Penny’s request?

A) “The Santa Simulation”   B) “The Bath Item Gift Hypothesis”   C) “The Holiday Summation”   D) “The Cooper Extraction”

7) In the above-mentioned Big Bang Theory episode, when Penny presents her gift to Sheldon, what is she wearing on her head?

A) Foam reindeer antlers   B) A red Santa Claus hat trimmed in white faux fur   C) A tiara   D) Nothing

8) How many ghosts appear to surly Ebenezer Scrooge in A Christmas Carol?

9) Who does not belong?

A) George C. Scott   B) Patrick Stewart   C) Alastair Sim   D) Jim Carrey   E) Colin Baker   F) Basil Rathbone   G) Walter Matthau          H) Michael Caine

10) While romancing Mary Hatch early in the perennial Christmas gem It’s a Wonderful Life (1946), what does George Bailey offer to throw a lasso around and gift to her?

A) A star   B) The moon   C) The sun   D) A steer

11) In the Lost in Space episode “Return From Outer Space,” against his father’s express orders, young Will Robinson employs dangerous alien technology to matter-transfer himself across the gulf of space and back to Earth, materializing in a small town at Christmastime. His plan is to alert Alpha Control at Cape Kennedy of his family’s location on a distant, barren planet so that a rescue ship might be dispatched. But no one in town believes that he’s a member of the famous First Family in Space, long missing and now presumed dead! In what U.S. state is located the small town to which Will beams himself?

A) Connecticut   B) Maine   C) North Dakota   D) Vermont

12) Because nothing says Yuletide like math, in “The Twelve Days of Christmas,” how many presents are given altogether?

13) In It’s a Wonderful Life, a distraught and suicidal George Bailey is certain that his family and friends would have been better off had he never been born, and in a chilling alternate-history sequence, his guardian angel, Clarence Odbody, allows him a look at just such a scenario in a bid to convince George otherwise. The two stop for a drink at a bar George finds markedly changed from the friendly watering hole he’d always known. He orders a double bourbon; what does Clarence order?

A) A flaming rum punch   B) A vodka martini, shaken, not stirred        C) A mulled wine, heavy on the cinnamon, light on the troubles!        D) A beer

14) What are the names of George and Mary Bailey’s four children, erased from existence in the alternate history in which George was never born?

15) In the concluding act of Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, which character becomes the Martian Santa Claus?

16) In the original Christmas classic Miracle on 34th Street (1947), what is the name of the judge who presides over the hearing to determine if one Kris Kringle is a delusional old man who should be institutionalized or, in fact, the one and only Santa Claus, as he claims?

A) Henry X. Harper   B) R. H. Macy   C) Thomas Mara   D) Fred Gailey

17) Name all of Santa’s reindeer!

18) Thurl Ravenscroft was, for decades, an uncredited but important contributor to 1966’s classic Holiday TV special How the Grinch Stole Christmas. What was his contribution to the production?

A) He directed the piece.   B) He wrote the screenplay.   C) He wrote the lyrics to the songs featured.   D) He sang the memorable “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch.”

19) The night before his famous transatlantic flight in 1927, aviator Charles Lindbergh stored his Spirit of St. Louis airplane in a hangar later repurposed as a film studio in which was produced what Christmas movie?

BONUS QUESTION! As a boy in 1919, It’s a Wonderful Life’s central character, George Bailey, works at a drugstore in his hometown of Bedford Falls. One day he finds is boss, Mr. Gower, grief-stricken at news he’d received by telegram, which caused him in distraction to inadvertently fill an order with a poisonous mixture of the wrong medicine. George tries to tell him of his mistake but the anguished man irately sends him on his way. When George returns later without having made the delivery, the druggist angrily berates him until the boy finally blurts out that Gower had made a terrible error. Gower realizes that George has saved the day and hugs the boy in thanks. What was the news that had so upset Mr. Gower?

7) KEITH’S LIST OF MUST-SEE VIEWING FOR THE HOLIDAYS! 

Countless Christmas movies and television specials have been produced over the decades, with fresh installments added every year. There are far too many to watch over the typical Holiday season. Anyway, most of them are, to employ Sturgeon’s law, crap! But there are those few that bear repeated viewing, year after year, never ceasing to stir in one sentimental feelings entirely apt for this most wonderful time of the year. We all have our favourites, some fondly remembered from childhood, others more recent.

In my case, there a handful that I absolutely must watch each December. They are, in my humble opinion, unrivaled classics that help spark in me annually something that I suppose must be the Christmas spirit. They warm my heart, bring a smile, elicit joy, and get me all fired up for tree trimming and gift wrapping and Christmas baking and all the other fabulous things associated with the festive season that I so enjoy.

Here’s my list, in no particular order:

It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)—A perennial favourite on TV at Christmastime, this is the story of George Bailey, a fundamentally good and decent man who has always put his own lofty ambitions aside to accommodate his family and friends, all of this outlined in flashback through the first half of the film. Then Bailey finds that his small-town building and loan business is suddenly short $8000 on Christmas Eve! Scandal, ruin, and shame vested upon his wife and children are sure to follow, he fears, and despairing, he opts for suicide, convinced that his family and friends would be better off without him. His guardian angel is dispatched from Heaven to save him. The pacing is, perhaps, a little too relaxed for modern audiences but stick with it and you will be rewarded with a heart-warming, life-affirming, lightly comedic, part romance, part drama, and part science fiction movie. You read that right: science fiction! For in a chilling, noire-ish alternate-universe sequence, the angel seeks to show Bailey just how valuable a gift is life, allowing him to see how things would have played out for his family and friends had he never been born.

A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965)—Peanuts was a favourite comic strip of mine growing up, so that probably plays a part in influencing my opinion of this simple, sincere, funny, moving, and endearing cartoon. In later years I came to appreciate the unassuming yet arresting artwork paired so beautifully with Vince Guaraldi’s outstanding jazz score and his unorthodox take on traditional Christmas music. Commentary on the rampant commercialization of Christmas is deftly handled with humour so as not to come across as too preachy. And when Charlie Brown asks in exasperation if there’s anyone who knows what Christmas is all about, Linus steps up with a wisdom beyond his years, making for a marvellously memorable moment.

How the Grinch Stole Christmas (1966)—The other animated Holiday special that is an annual must-see in our house brings to life the wacky world of Dr. Suess in vibrant colour. This is the enchanting tale of the dour Grinch’s emotional journey from wretched recluse and hater of all things Christmas to epiphany and jubilant embrace of the whole thing! Like A Charlie Brown Christmas, there’s an anti-consumerist message, here, avowing that Christmas “doesn’t come from a store,” but that it “means a little bit more.”

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964)— Ludicrous plots, inane dialogue, stilted acting, ridiculously amateurish sets, costumes, and special effects, all on a dollar-store budget! If you enjoy cheap, low-rent flicks like Plan 9 From Outer Space (1959) and Robot Monster (1953), you’ll be thrilled to know that there exists such a so-bad-it’s-good movie for the festive season! Santa Claus and a couple of Earth children are kidnapped by Martians and brought to the red planet, whose leader seeks to bring Mars’ melancholy youth out of their doldrums. And thus does Santa Claus “conquer” his captors not with arms, but with the spirit of Christmas. No, really!

Miracle of 34th Street (1947)—The movies of my parents’ generation frequently aired on television when I was a youngster, affording me the opportunity to enjoy seasonal classics like this one, the light-hearted tale of a white-bearded old fellow named Kris Kringle, hired as a department store Santa Claus at Macy’s in New York City, who claims to be the real thing! A young Natalie Wood plays a little girl whose mother has brought her up to rebuff fanciful fairy tales of Santa Claus and the like, but over the course of the film, she comes to believe that the old man really is who he says he is, and so regains her lost childhood innocence. Her mother and the other adults at Macy’s are not quite so sure but they, too, eventually begin to come around. The centerpiece of the story is the court hearing instigated to determine if Mr. Kringle is, in fact, the one and only Santa Claus, as he claims, or is mentally ill and in need of hospitalization. His sympathetic lawyer is the mother’s romantic interest and there’s a love story playing out, here, as the principal plot unfolds. This is a feel-good film if ever there was one!

Die Hard (1988)—An office Christmas party, garlands and decorations hung about, eggnog, hostages, gunfire, anti-tank missiles, explosions, and John McClane versus Hans Gruber! Must be Christmas at Nakatomi Plaza. A solid action movie that has been adopted by fans as a modern Holiday delight.

King Kong (2005)—Peter Jackson’s magnificent remake includes a scene of Kong and Ann cavorting on a frozen pond in New York City’s Central Park at Christmastime, which is enough to justify a Holiday viewing and permit one to get their Kong on!

8) A SECOND CHRISTMAS CORONAVIRUS PARODY SONG

From the U.K. comes this charming family collaboration (www.youtube/user/ruthmoore50):

 

 

This is post 6 of 6 this afternoon and will bring to a close the principal content offered in this, our November virtual meeting. If you’re just now joining us, scroll back to today’s Post 1 of 6 to enjoy the whole meeting, start to finish.

9) CORONAVIRUS PARODY SONG

We have just this single coronavirus parody song to offer this month; it’s by The Kiffness and includes a smidgen of hope for the future (www.thekiffness.com):

10) FAREWELL!

We bid farewell to two of our club members, Adam Lawrence and Agata Antonow, who are shortly moving out of province. Best of luck, guys, as you embark on a new chapter. We’ll miss you! And do keep in touch!

11) Names of Sci-Fi Artists Featured in Opening Gallery

We don’t actually have the name of the artist who created the cover-jacket design for the first edition of Ray Bradbury’s classic Fahrenheit 451! Suffice it to say it’s a striking visual!

Frank R. Paul produced the vividly colourful cover art for the August 1927 issue of Amazing Stories. Paul is considered by many to be the grandfather of sci-fi pulp illustration.

The iconic image of a robot gracing the first-edition cover of Asimov’s classic I, Robot was created by Edd Cartier.

Next we have a groovy piece by the venerable Frank Kelly Freas. It was employed as the cover of June 1948’s issue of Super-Science Fiction.

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Probably best known as the first to illustrate Frank Herbert’s Dune, John Schoenherr has produced many first-rate illustrations for books and magazines. We showcased a piece used as the cover of Mark Phillips’ novel The Impossibles.

British illustrator Chris Foss’ colourfully painted spaceships set against dramatic backdrops should be recognizable to most fans. His talents have been applied to both book illustration and conceptual design for genre films. The painting we showcased appeared as the cover of an E. E. “Doc” Smith reprint by Panther Science Fiction.

David Mattingly has produced all of the covers for David Weber’s Honor Harrington series for Baen. This excellent example of imaginative realism served as the cover of Honor Among Enemies.

Unhappy with the illustrations proposed for Burgess’ A Clockwork Orange, art director/designer David Pelham decided to take on the job himself, coming up with this simple, effective, and enduring graphic.Finally, we have a trio of wonderfully pulpy paintings produced for Super-Science Fiction magazine by Edmund “Ed” Emshwiller, who often signed his work “Emsh.”

12) THANK YOU!

We hope you have enjoyed your time with us this afternoon, and we ask all of you to check in regularly here at www.MonSFFA.ca for additional content during this continuing period of partial lockdown, and for any news as to when the club expects a return to face-to-face meetings. Thank you for your interest and attention, and don’t forget to comment on today’s offerings!

We’d also like to thank Sylvain St-Pierre, Josée Bellemare, Joe Aspler, Keith Braithwaite, and Cathy Palmer-Lister for putting this November 2020 DIY, Virtual MonSFFA Meeting together, with a nod, as well, to our supporting contributors today.

And we’d be remiss if we were not to acknowledge and correct an oversight regarding last month’s meeting: we failed to include Cathy Palmer-Lister’s name in the “Thank You!” section; she did, in fact, contribute to the October meeting, as she has to all of our virtual meetings to date! We apologize for this oversight and blame it on accumulated fumes from hand sanitizer messing with our cognitive function!

Until next time (December 12), eschew gatherings, continue to practise social distancing, wear your mask, and wash your hands often! With a vaccine now on the near-horizon, better days are ahead, but it will take continuing patience, discipline, and emotional fortitude to get us there!

This is post 1 of 6 related posts which together make up our November 14, 2020, DIY, Virtual MonSFFA Meeting. Before we open the book on today’s online conclave, we have regrettable news to pass along concerning one of our own:

CONDOLENCES

Distressing news is received from long-time club member Josée Bellemare, who reports that she, as well as her entire family, recently tested positive for COVID-19, and that a little over a week ago, her beloved father, René, succumbed to the disease. He was 91.

Josée writes that her brother and his immediate family, luckily, have not experienced any symptoms but that she has, though mercifully, nothing too severe, more akin to a bad cold. All have been in quarantine at home during the ordeal. We are, of course, relieved to hear that our good friend is weathering the virus, but at the same time are greatly saddened by corresponding word of her father’s passing.

René Bellemare “did a lot of good in his life,” memorializes Josée, from his coaching of little league hockey when her brother was a youngster to his donation of 120-plus pints of blood over several decades. “He had a rare blood type,” she writes, “so he was always welcomed at the Red Cross blood drives.” Josée takes some comfort in noting that her father is now reunited with her late mother; they had been married for close to 57 years.

“It’s going to be a difficult winter,” Josée continues, and she and her brother have many arrangements to make in the weeks and months ahead. “But we’ll manage,” she concludes, adding for her sci-fi friends at MonSFFA, “stay healthy, stay safe, and if you can, hug the people you love.”

To our friend and fellow club member Josée, and to her family, we extend our most sincere condolences.

Attention all personnel… Maintain “Red Alert!”

1) WINTER IS COMING

Quebec, neighbouring Ontario, and several other Canadian provinces are chalking up alarmingly elevated COVID numbers of late, and are struggling to push those numbers down and keep them there! In terms of infections since the beginning of the pandemic, Quebec has hit high-water marks on a number of days in recent weeks. We find ourselves seesawing up and down from day to day and so failing to achieve the desired goal of not just flattening the curve, but bending it the heck down! Much of Quebec is classified a Red Zone, the province averaging over any given week about 1200 cases per day. Some regions have lately seen incremental improvement, but this progress has been offset by unprecedented spikes in other regions heretofore only lightly touched by the contagion.

Arguing that the partial closure imposed by authorities at the beginning of October simply isn’t enough, some analysts are beginning to advocate for a temporary, more pronounced, so-called “short-circuit” lockdown in order to categorically stop the virus in its tracks. What we’re doing now just isn’t cutting it, goes the argument. A few weeks or a month of complete lockdown is warranted in order to successfully halt the virus’ spread and avoid a long, dark winter of psychologically taxing isolation within our homes, almost entirely cut off from family and friends. Short-term pain for long-term gain.

On the other hand, others are contending that careful deconfinement and targeted re-openings of certain commercial sectors not proven to be causing any significant increase in COVID-19 cases is the way to go, lest mushrooming anxiety and depression beset the population as winter sets in.

Quebec’s government maintains that schools and designated sectors of the economy must remain open so as to avoid acute and possibly enduring economic collapse, not to mention same regarding our collective mental health. Some people—a minority, to be sure, but still a sufficient number to provoke outbreaks—are still ignoring the rules and gathering irresponsibly, government spokespeople note. This must stop! Period! We cannot allow our already overburdened medical system to become overwhelmed because of the reckless actions of a few scofflaws. Lives are at stake!

Meanwhile, the beginning of the week brought momentous news of a vaccine having tested exceptionally well, boasting an effectiveness of some 90 percent in provisional phase-three trials, certainly very encouraging if not conclusive data. Testing should be finalized shortly, with peer-review to follow, then regulatory approval within, perhaps, a couple months. Developed by Pfizer and BioNTech, this two-part mRNA inoculation (a second shot is administered three weeks after the first) could well be deployed beginning in the early months of 2021. Canada is contracted to receive an initial 20 million doses for use in this country. It’s expected that frontline medical personnel and those most at risk will be the first to receive the vaccine.

Until then, and likely for a little while after, all Quebecers and other Canadians are strongly encouraged to continue with recommended mitigation protocols—wear masks, practise social distancing, wash your hands thoroughly and often, use a hand sanitizer, abstain from even modest gatherings, and isolate at home, venturing out only on essential business. Word of the pending vaccine is marvellous news but we are going to be in this for a while longer, probably through winter.

2) INTRODUCTION

As we gather online for this month’s virtual club meeting, we note that in the Before Times, November’s meeting was usually reserved for our annual fund-raising used SF/F book sale, an event that has grown increasingly popular in recent years with not only our own club members, but book lovers across the city. Circumstances beyond our control, of course, prevent us from holding the event this year. However, we do expect to be back next year at about this time offering sci-fi fans astonishing bargains on hundreds of genre books. Type a reminder into your planners/calendars; we’ll announce a date and locale just as soon as it’s deemed safe to gather indoors face-to-face once again.

Instead of the book sale, we’re here today, in this virtual realm, tendering an agenda for the afternoon that focuses on books! We’ve booked several presentations (pun intended!) in theme, and during our usual mid-meeting Zoom session, we’ll be asking participants which books they’ve been reading of late—bring your books to the Zoom session for all to see and hear about! So let’s crack the spine on this one, shall we…

As alway, we take a moment to offer a word of advice to those of you deemed “essential workers,” and really, to everyone, that advice being to please take all possible precautions in order to keep yourselves as protected from infection as can be. It is especially important not to let up on those safety protocols so that we may all make it through this hardship.

This is our eighth virtual MonSFFA meeting. Today’s get-together will unfold right here on the club’s Web site over the course of the afternoon, beginning with this first post, and followed by subsequent posts at 1:30PM, 2:30PM, 3:00PM, and 4:00PM, with a concluding post at 4:30PM plus a quick sign-off at 5:00PM. All content will also be available concurrently on MonSFFA’s Facebook page (www.facebook.com/MonSFFA), however, note that the interface best suited for taking in this meeting is this very Web site.

As we cannot yet safely assemble in person, this November virtual meeting has been prepared especially for you, MonSFFA’s membership. Sit back, check out each of the afternoon’s posts, scroll down leisurely through the proffered content, and enjoy! And do take a moment to comment on what we’ve put up. Let us know what you think about specific topics presented or the meeting overall. Your input helps us to tailor these virtual meetings for maximum interest and enjoyment.

3) MEETING AGENDA

In This Afternoon’s Virtual Meeting:
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1:00PM, Post 1 of 6 (Opening of the Book)

Condolences

1) Winter is Coming

2) Introduction

3) Meeting Agenda

4) Cover Up—A Quick Gallery of SF/F Cover Art

1:30PM, Post 2 of 6 (Book of Bad Predictions)

5) Joe’s Big Book of Failed, Bad and Foolish Predictions

2:30PM, Post 3 of 6 (Break and Zoom!)

6) Mid-Meeting Break (Display Table, Raffle, Zoom Get-Together/Book Talk)

3:00PM, Post 4 of 6 (Unusual Books)

7) A Compendium of Unusual Books

4:00PM, Post 5 of 6 (Joy of Books)

8) The Joy of Books

4:30PM, Post 6 of 6 (Closing of the Book)

9) Coronavirus Parody Song

10) Farewell!

11) Names of Sci-Fi Artists Featured in Opening Gallery

12) Thank-You!

5:00PM, Additional Post (Sign-Off)

13) Classic cartoon in praise of books: “Have You Got Any Castles?”

Here’s a quick sampling of art that has graced the covers of SF/F books and magazines; can you identify the artists? We’ll name them in our closing Post 6 of 6 at 4:30PM.

 

This is post 6 of 6 today, and will close this afternoon’s virtual MonSFFA meeting. If you’re just now joining us, scroll back to today’s Post 1 of 6 to enjoy the whole meeting, start to finish.

11) ANOTHER CORONAVIRUS PARODY SONG

Here’s another Monster Mash parody, produced by a teacher in Arkansas and posted on her Cheesystuff YouTube Channel:

12)

 

Any so-called “Monster Kid” growing up in the 1960s harboured two utmost desires: the latest issue of Famous Monsters of Filmland magazine (co-founded by pioneering sci-fi fan Forrest J Ackerman), and the latest release in Aurora’s line of classic monster model kits!

The Long Island, NY-based Aurora Plastics Corporation was founded in 1950 as a contract manufacturer of injection-molded plastics. Before too long, the company began producing and marketing its own line of “all plastic assembly kits” for young hobbyists, focusing chiefly on aircraft and automobiles.

Aurora’s first figure kits, a set of medieval knights in armour, were introduced in the mid-’50s, quickly followed by the “Guys and Gals of All Nations” series, featuring statuettes dressed in the national costumes of Holland, China, Scotland, and other countries, this in an effort to appeal to female crafters. Throughout the late-’50s, ’60s, and ’70s, other historical subjects followed the knights, from Roman gladiators to modern U.S. soldiers, sailors, and airmen, along with a variety of kits spotlighting American wildlife, sports stars, comic book superheroes, sci-fi TV characters, and the prehistoric world.

But it was a licensing agreement with Universal Studios that allowed Aurora to launch what would become its most popular and successful series of all, the Movie Monster Models collection!

Universal’s classic horror films were enjoying a revival in the late-’50s-early-’60s and were all the rage with youngsters, who watched them on television, where they aired frequently, or flocked to movie houses to see them. Aurora marketing director Bill Silverstein had taken note of the appeal these old pictures had with adolescents and teens, and pitched the idea of a series of kits showcasing Universal’s stable of venerable movie monsters. He was met with ridicule and disinterest but persisted and eventually convinced skeptical upper management to gauge interest by bringing to market one model.

That model was Frankenstein, released in 1961. Silverstein was soon vindicated! Frankenstein was an instant hit and calls started coming in to Aurora’s sales offices requesting other kits in the line. Dracula and The Wolf Man were rushed into production and were on store shelves in time for Christmas 1962. The Creature (from the Black Lagoon), The Mummy, The Phantom of the Opera, Dr. Jekyll as Mr. Hyde, non-Universal behemoths King Kong and Godzilla, and others followed. There were 13 monster kits produced in all—tagged by aficionados “The Aurora 13”—plus two customizing kits and a Gigantic Frankenstein, the finished model standing some two-feet tall.  A pair of affiliated models, the Munsters ’65 and the Addams Family Haunted House, are often considered part of the series.

Advertised in Famous Monsters of Filmland and DC Comics publications, Aurora’s monster kits skyrocketed in popularity. In 1964, a U.S.-wide Monster Customizing Contest was sponsored in cooperation with Universal Pictures and Famous Monsters, contributing to a growing “Monster Mania.” Young model-makers were tasked with creating a macabre diorama using any combination of Aurora monster kits and customizing materials. Two customizing kits were issued, providing modellers with an assortment of skulls, spiders, rats, and such with which to enhance their miniature tableaus. Each entrant received a “Master Monster Maker” certificate. Hundreds of prizes were handed out with the national winner awarded a paid trip to Hollywood and the opportunity to appear in a horror movie!

Sculptor Bill Lemon was responsible for designing and producing the patterns for most of the monster models, with Ray Meyers and Adam “Larry” Ehling taking over when Lemon left to pursue other commissions. The Forgotten Prisoner of Castel-Mare was the last kit in the line, becoming available in 1967-’68 and sporting box art by renowned pulp illustrator Mort Künstler.

It was the box art produced by James Bama, however, that indelibly marked Aurora’s Movie Monster Models. At the time, Bama was working as a commercial artist for a major New York advertising firm. He was known as a prolific paperback and magazine cover artist, as well as for dramatic interior illustrations featured in men’s adventure magazines. Genre fans would soon come to know him for his extraordinarily striking monochromatic Doc Savage covers for Bantam Books’ paperback reprints of the original novels.

The accomplished illustrator applied his signature realism to what was fantastical subject matter in rendering melodramatically lit, vividly colourful box art for the monster kits. Save for Künstler’s single contribution, Bama produced all of the original box art for the series, as well as a few pieces for spin-offs like the Monstermobiles line, which put our favourite monsters in crazily-exaggerated hot-rods, a concept that did not fly with either monster or hot-rod enthusiasts.

Beginning in 1969, the original monster models were modified to include luminescent parts and reissued through the early-’70s with reworked packaging that included some new art by artist Harry Schaare, who essentially copied Bama’s originals while highlighting with bright acrylics the glow-in-the-dark components of the model. In some instances, Bama’s original gouache paintings were actually painted over with acrylics—no one present back in the day seems to know who might have been responsible for that sin, or perhaps nobody wants to say!

In 1971, Aurora launched its controversial Monster Scenes line, featuring four character kits: Frankenstein, sexy comic book pin-up Vampirella, the sadistic Doctor Deadly, and a scantily-clad young woman dubbed simply “The Victim.” At about 1/13 scale, these simple, snap-together, toy-like figures were smaller and lacked the detail of their movie monster cousins. The concept, here, was to enable children to easily assemble and then play with the models. Each figure came with extra sets of movable arms and legs so that they could be assembled in different poses

In addition to the character kits, four “grisly equipment” kits with names like Gruesome Goodies and The Pain Parlour were available, together serving as a torture-chamber playset into which the figures could be placed. Aurora played up the lurid horror, violence, and sex, promoting its new line with the slogan “Rated ‘X’ for excitement!”

It wasn’t long before concerned parents were petitioning Nabisco, owners of Aurora at the time, outraged at these “sick toys” that make for a “sick society!” Women’s groups, too, admonished the company for promoting misogynistic cruelty, noting that the helpless “Victim” didn’t even rate her own name!

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The following year, Aurora recovered from this costly debacle, premiering its well-received Prehistoric Scenes line, which incorporated the same models-as-toys idea that had underpinned the short-lived Monster Scenes series.

Aurora’s swansong monster series was the 1/12-scale Monsters of the Movies line. But by now the monster craze had passed and the last kit in this series was shipped in 1977. The company shut down its molding machines that same year.

In a span of just 27 years, Aurora had progressed from humble beginnings to become one of the foremost and most innovative producers of scale-model kits in the industry, only to fall victim to a number of questionable marketing moves and product choices, as well as generally waning public interest in the hobby.

Bill Silverstein remained focused on the business of marketing toys. His stint at Aurora led him to join comic actors Don “Maxwell Smart” Adams and Bill “José Jiménez” Dana in forming a small advertising agency, securing Aurora as a client, of course! In the early-’70s, he became a partner at Helfgott & Partners (later Helfgott, Towne & Silverstein), a high-profile New York agency that represented the Ideal Toy Company.

After leaving Aurora, Bill Lemon went on to sculpt for major toy manufacturers like Remco and Marx and produced, over his decades-long career, everything from anatomical models for medical schools to Pez dispensers to a circa-1980s Michael Jackson doll.

James Bama left New York in 1968 and moved to Wyoming, where he established himself as a painter specializing in Western themes. In recognition of his Aurora box art, he was inducted into the Monster Kid Hall of Fame in 2006.

Rival model manufacturer Monogram (later merged with another rival, Revell) initially acquired many of Aurora’s molds from parent company Nabisco and reissued a number of the kits under its own banner beginning in the late-’70s. In the mid-’90s and more recently, modern scale-model manufacturers like Polar Lights and Moebius Models have retooled, updated, and rereleased many of Aurora’s most popular kits, occasioning a revival of Monster Mania for both aging Monster Kids and a new generation.

13) STILL ANOTHER CORONAVIRUS PARODY SONG

This Joe Jackson send-up by L.A.-based actor and filmmaker Frederick Lawrence gets a little political; we found it on his FLawed08 YouTube Channel:

14) CONDOLENCES

It is with sadness that we receive news of the passing of Lucio Zarlenga, long-time banquets manager at the Hôtel Espresso, for so many years the downtown locale of MonSFFA’s monthly meetings. Always professional, affable, and above-and-beyond helpful, Lucio gave both the club and the ConCept sci-fi convention founded by MonSFFA excellent service through the years, working diligently to accommodate our sometimes unusual needs. He enjoyed dropping in on us from time to time to check out whatever cool stuff we had going on at our meetings, or at the convention, and we will miss his cheerful visits. To his family and friends, we extend our sincere condolences. 

15) THANK YOU!

We hope you have enjoyed your time with us this afternoon, and we ask all of you to check in regularly here at www.MonSFFA.ca for additional content during this continuing period of partial lockdown/cautious reopening, and for any news as to when the club expects to return to face-to-face gatherings. Thank you for your interest and attention, and don’t forget to comment on today’s meeting!

We’d also like to thank Sylvain St-Pierre, Keith Braithwaite, Joe Aspler, and Josée Bellemare for putting this October 2020 DIY, Virtual MonSFFA Meeting together, with a nod, as well, to our supporting contributors today.

Keep on social distancing, wearing a mask, washing your hands often, and following all of the other vital public health guidelines that the authorities have issued. Better days are ahead, but it will take patience and perseverance to get there!

16) FINAL PARODY SONG

 We close with Eric Gutman’s (www.EricGutman.com) wonderful pandemic-inspired take on a well-known political classic; be advised that there’s a little bit of language, here (nothing too severe), so you might want to shoo the very young’uns out of the room:

This is post 1 of 6 related posts which together make up our October 17, 2020, DIY, Virtual MonSFFA Meeting.

Alert condition “Red!” Alert condition “Red!” The Greater Montreal region is now under alert condition “Red!”

When Quebec introduced its new colour-coded regional COVID-19 alert map early in September, most of the province’s regions were classified as relatively safe “Green Zones,” with but a handful of constituencies confirmed as Yellow Zones, this indicating that a slightly more elevated level of caution was warranted.

Today, only six or seven weeks later, all of southern Quebec, as well as the Gaspé peninsula, are designated either an Orange or Red Zone, the two most alarmingly high-danger alert levels, Red being the most dire! Quebec’s vast and sparsely populated northern territories are collectively Yellow at this time; there remain no regions anywhere in the province listed as Green.

1) 28 DAYS LATER

The government’s response to the sudden and explosive end-of-summer resurgence of the coronavirus has been to clamp down. As of October 1, Red Zone inhabitants found themselves in a partial lockdown set to last 28 days, at which time the situation is to be reassessed. Limits on social activities have been re-imposed, some of these more rigid than ever, and officials have admonished anti-maskers and other rule-flouters as dangerously irresponsible, warning of hefty fines and even police action for any transgressions! All Quebecers are strongly encouraged to help flatten the curve once again, say official spokespeople, by wearing masks, social distancing, abstaining from even modest gatherings like dinner parties or backyard barbecues, and isolating at home, venturing out only on essential business. Yom Kippur and Thanksgiving unfolded in Red-Zone Montreal under strict mitigation protocols, and Halloween as we know it is, in effect, cancelled, with traditional Hanukkah, Christmas, and New Year’s celebrations at risk.

And yet, schools remain open and select commercial activities continue. Many frustrated citizens have decried the new rules as ill-conceived, imprecise, senseless, and unfair, while others see them as half-measures doomed to failure. So-called “COVID fatigue” is undoubtedly a factor in the population’s questioning of authorities. People are getting tired of these months upon months of wearisome safety restrictions and are anxious to return fully to their normal lives. Surveys conducted just prior to the Thanksgiving weekend revealed that one in four Quebecers intended to get together with family and friends for the holiday in contravention of government directives! Many folk seem to have simply given up the fight and are gambling that they’ll be able to weather any infection, forgetting that while they may well survive, others with whom they come in contact may not. The government explains that while inhibiting as little as possible societal and economic function, they are undertaking to severely limit non-essential gatherings of any kind, which are believed to be at the heart of this return of the COVID-19 virus. However, say some analysts, the data on this is not entirely clear.

Quebecers especially, neighbouring Ontarians, as well, and to be sure, all Canadians now find themselves well into the feared Second Wave of contagion. But this time the majority of cases have been attributed to people under 40 years of age, although the elderly remain more likely to suffer the most serious consequences of infection, including, potentially, death! Disturbingly, doctors are observing lingering and debilitating side-effects in some patients recovering from COVID-19. And, some scientists are suggesting that the virus may now have mutated into a far more communicable form.

Progress on a vaccine, meanwhile, has been particularly heartening, and we should have good news on that front by early next year. But we all know that even when a viable vaccine is developed, it will take some time to inoculate the entire population of Canada. We are going to be in this soup for a while, yet.

2) INTRODUCTION

As we again gather online for this month’s virtual club meeting, we know that we are now living through the Second Wave, and that it remains critically important to continue following best recommended safety practises in order to help minimize the spread of the virus. That means frequent and thorough hand-washing, use of a hand-sanitizer, staying at home as much as possible, social distancing and mask-wearing when we must venture out in public, the minimizing of contact with others, etc.—you all know the drill by now! It has been unquestionably difficult to confine ourselves to our homes and neighbourhoods, and severely limit our face-to-face social activities, but we all know that these sacrifices are absolutely necessary if we are to triumph over the COVID-19 virus.

As always, our advice to those of you deemed “essential workers,” and indeed, to everyone, is to please take all possible precautions in order to keep yourselves as protected from infection as can be. It is especially important not to let up on those safety protocols. We must not surrender to COVID fatigue, as depressing as recent news reports may be!

This is our seventh virtual MonSFFA meeting. Today’s get-together will unfold right here on the club’s Web site over the course of the afternoon, beginning with this first post, and followed by subsequent posts at 1:30PM, 2:30PM, 3:00PM, and 4:00PM, with a concluding post at 4:30PM. All content will also be available concurrently on MonSFFA’s Facebook page (www.facebook.com/MonSFFA), however, the interface best suited for taking in this meeting is this very Web site.

As we cannot yet safely assemble face-to-face in a meeting hall, this October virtual meeting has been prepared especially for you, MonSFFA’s membership. Sit back, check out each of the afternoon’s posts, scroll down leisurely through the proffered content, and enjoy! And do take a moment to comment on what we’ve put up. Let us know what you think about specific topics presented or the meeting overall. Your input helps us to tailor these virtual meetings for maximum interest and enjoyment.

3) MEETING AGENDA

In This Afternoon’s Virtual Meeting:

1:00PM, Post 1 of 6

1) 28 Days Later

2) Introduction

3) Meeting Agenda

4) A Coronavirus Parody Song for Halloween

5) 19 Basic Rules for Surviving Halloween!

6) A Second Parody Song!

1:30PM, Post 2 of 6

7) The Many Faces of the Moon

2:30PM, Post 3 of 6

8) Mid-Meeting Break (Display Table, Raffle, Zoom Get-Together)

3:00PM, Post 4 of 6

9) Mad Scientists (Gallery)

4:00PM, Post 5 of 6

10) Halloween Party

4:30PM, Post 6 of 6

11) Another Coronavirus Parody Song

12) Remembering “The Aurora 13” (Classic Monster Model Kits)!

13) Still Another Coronavirus Parody Song

14) Condolences

15) Thank-You!

16) Final Parody Song

4) A CORONAVIRUS PARODY SONG FOR HALLOWEN!

Many talented and witty songwriters/performers have been providing, throughout this COVID-19 crisis, gentle comic relief to us all, filking well-known rock and pop hits. Whenever given, we’ve credited by name these creators. Joe Aspler drew our attention to this afternoon’s opener, a coronavirus take on a Halloween classic! We found it on the Freedom Forum YouTube Channel; lyrics credited to Dale Officer:

As Halloween is but two weeks off, we’ve included in today’s meeting a number of items inspired by that spooky, scary, celebration! Here’s the first…

5) October 31st is in just two weeks and legend has it that Halloween, or All Hallows’ Eve, is the night on which the veil between our corporeal world and the spirits’ realm is at its thinnest, allowing a measure of intersection between the two. So we thought it prudent to offer a few important tips on how to live through these nocturnal hours. Here are our:

 

1) NEVER SPLIT UP! In any deadly encounter with an unspeakable, preternatural abomination, when you have the benefit of numbers, never split up! Slap upside the head the idiot in your party who proposes a plan of action that involves your faction dividing its forces! Never, ever follow such counsel! You’d just be making it easier for the beastly terror to pick you all off one by one! By sticking together, at least one, or maybe two of you have a chance of making it out alive!
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2) NEVER INVESTIGATE THE SOURCE OF UNUSUAL SOUNDS! If you hear a strangely unnatural or unanticipated loud noise, for Pete’s sake, do not volunteer to seek out its origin when your companions ask “What was that?” Under no circumstances should you go looking for what caused the noise in question! Appreciate that this is an audible clue, a hint, a sign, a portent of something terrible lurking just around the corner! However, if you do choose to throw caution to the wind and venture after the source of said noise, only to find that it appears to have just been the cat, you have mere moments to live! Run in the hope that you’ll prove sufficiently fleet of foot to evade a grisly demise, but fully expect to die!

3) DON’T LOOK IN THERE! Never open a closet door if you even in the least suspect that something other than someone’s wardrobe is hanging within!

By the same token, kids, what good does it do you to know what might be lurking under your bed, anyway? Why risk a gander? If a monster has established itself below your box spring, you’ll be up all night, too scared to sleep lest the creature come out from under there to get you while you slumber! And if there’s nothing under your bed but dust bunnies, you’ll be up all night worrying about when a monster might decide to take up residence! Either way, you won’t be getting any sleep, so that being the case, ipso facto, you don’t really need use of a bed, do you? Get up, go downstairs, and watch TV until it’s time for breakfast!

And ladies, take note, never draw the shower curtain unless you are absolutely sure that the only thing behind that flimsy barrier is a bath tray holding a washcloth, luffa, bar of soap, and a bottle of shampoo! This is indispensable guidance to keep in mind, particularly if you are staying overnight at a remote roadside motel run by a clerk with mommy issues!

4) ALWAYS RUN AWAY! Animals, including human beings, are possessed of a primal instinct, when faced with danger, to either take on the threat, head-on, or to flee. Behavioral scientists refer to this innate impulse as the “Fight or Flight” reflex. Particularly when dealing with entities evil, monstrous, or supernatural in nature, always choose “Flight!” I mean, do you really think you’ll be able to take down a malevolent demon summoned from Perdition’s flames with that baseball bat leaning up against the wall over there?

It’s very important to understand the physics of running away. When sprinting full-out for your life from a monster giving chase, understand that even though you are running at track-star speed and the monster is shambling along in plodding pursuit, it will invariably catch up with you! As a general rule, the monster’s rate of gain is inversely proportional to the speed at which you are running. The mathematical statement:

…describes the reciprocal relationship between “X”, defined as your speed, and “Y”, defined as the distance between you and the monster. As your speed (X) increases, the distance between you and the monster (Y) decreases! If we then define escape as “E”, thus does the following mathematical statement describe your chances of success in that regard:

To further hamper your efforts, you can expect to trip and fall once or twice, more if you are female! And, you can also anticipate entangling your clothing on something, or becoming pinned under a fallen tree trunk or some such, and so have to waste valuable seconds struggling to free yourself as the monster lumbers ever closer.

If you drove to the scene, incidentally, should you actually make it back to your car in one piece, relieved that you can now speed away to safety, expect that you’ll either fumble with and drop your keys, or that your automobile, inexplicably, won’t start, even though mechanically, the vehicle was working just fine earlier!

Your only real hope in such circumstances is that something comes into play which temporarily distracts the monster, causing it to break off its pursuit and allowing you an opportune moment to scram! Obviously, it is strongly recommended that you take full advantage of such a moment!

5) IF YOU THINK IT’S SAFE TO GO IN THE WATER, THINK AGAIN! It’s never safe to go in the water! Piranhas, barracudas, and sharks are the least of the dangers to be found beneath the waves! You just don’t know what’s down there! You have no idea what shocking, scaly aberration may be swimming around below the surface, waiting to sink jagged teeth into parts of your anatomy, or wrap slimy digits or tentacles around your leg and pull you under! So swim quickly back to the beach and get to high ground if you hear someone calling out a command to “Release the Kraken!” And never, for any reason whatsoever, wade or dive into rank, murky swamp, brackish lagoon, chilling lake, or open ocean waters! I mean, do you really want to risk gruesome injury or even death just so you can snorkel dive, waterski, or skinny-dip with your girlfriend or boyfriend? Choose a safer option! If neither of you have a backyard pool, just run around together under a lawn sprinkler!

And while we’re on the water, never come up alongside and board any drifting, derelict, ship you may come across while at sea. To satisfactorily fulfill your maritime duty to lend assistance, note the wreck’s position, radio it in to the Coast Guard, and let them deal with it! That’s their job, after all! And given that you are not employed by the Coast Guard, be certain to remain aboard your own vessel at all times! However, if you do decide to board the decaying hulk under some misguided notion that there might be a number of poor souls still aboard, incapacitated and in need of aid, you may well be correct! There might be a few, or perhaps many poor souls still aboard! But the thing is, they would surely be, at this point, just that: souls! Likely of the cursed variety! And if these ghosts have not yet moved on to the other side, you don’t want to stick around to find out why! Get off the ship posthaste!

666) SPURN THE NUMBER OF THE BEAST! At all costs, balk at anything bearing a sequence of three sixes—an address, hotel suite number, route number, flight number, part of a license plate or telephone number, even a price tag or lottery ticket displaying three consecutive sixes! And definitely steer clear of anyone sporting a “666” tattoo! Generally, abnegate anything and anyone connected in any way with that number! You’ll have a devil of a time unless you do! And that means this entry, by the way; why are you still reading this one? Stop! Right now! It may already be too late!

7) FACE FACTS! When you’ve reached the point of strapping your welt- and oozing blister-covered adolescent daughter to her bed as she hurls both vulgarities and vomit in your direction, you must face the fact that the situation is way beyond the involvement of her school’s guidance counselor, or even the need of medical intervention! Don’t bother dialing your local health clinic to schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist; call the nearest diocese and ask to be connected to the exorcism department!

Similarly, if a cabal of Satanists shows up at your baby shower to fawn over your newborn son, you need to face the fact that Junior is the son of Satan and his “Terrible Two’s” are going to be “H”-“E” double hockey sticks!

8) GET OUT OF TOWN!

Should you take a wrong turn and in due course happen upon a small, dusty, deserted town in the middle of nowhere, consider that there is probably a good reason for said hamlet being deserted! Do not under any circumstances stop to see if there’s someone around who might be able to give you directions back to the main highway! Step on the gas and keep going, as fast as you can, easing up on the accelerator only when you are well outside of town limits.

Make certain, when planning your travel itinerary, to bypass towns like Amityville, Haddonfield, Twin Peaks, Wayward Pines, Sleepy Hollow, Burkittsville, Hawkins, Eerie, Cuesta Verde, Santa Mira, Sunnydale, Bodega Bay, Antonio Bay, Mystic Falls, Bon Temps, Midwich, Dunwich, Innsmouth, Arkham, of specific note for you ladies, Stepford, and finally, Night Vale.

As a general rule, steer clear of any off-the-beaten-track, rural enclave, particularly if located in Maine, or if, upon entering town, you can hear the distinct twang of banjo strings being plucked! Nothing good will come of stopping for gas or to get a bite to eat at the local diner! Skedaddle but quick!

9) DON’T GO LOOKING FOR TROUBLE IN THE WOODS! You and your friends should eschew equipping yourselves with GoPros for a hike into the Maryland countryside looking for witches! The footage you’d shoot is likely to be the only thing that would survive such an excursion! Instead, stay home and watch reruns of Bewitched!

On a related note, you youngsters should at no time hazard a bike ride out to the local graveyard or the old, abandoned house at the end of the street on some foolhardy double-dare! And don’t go looking to solve any longstanding, spooky neighbourhood mysteries, either! Whatever the rumours may be about what happened that night all those years ago is probably all a lot of hooey, anyway! Don’t be sticking your nose into business that doesn’t concern you! You’re not in a Scooby-Doo episode, for Heaven’s sake! Just play ball hockey on the driveway or something, and make sure you come in as soon as the street lights are turned on!

10) PRECLUDE HOLIDAY HORRORS! Everyone needs an interlude, from time to time, for rest and recreation, a little downtime, a break from the day-to-day, an opportunity to get away from it all and unwind! Organize your get-away, by all means, but be mindful that bizarre and frightening peril very often arises precisely while you are on vacation!

To avert potentially finding yourself in a deleterious predicament, exercise some basic cautions when planning your sabbatical as you do not wish to find yourself up the proverbial creek without a paddle! Live by the Boy Scout motto: Be Prepared! For example, when packing for your trip, always include a well-stocked first-aid kit. Make sure that your principal mode of transportation, whether airline, cruise line, rail or bus line, comes highly recommended and boasts an outstanding safety record. Should you intend to employ your own or a friend’s camper, have the vehicle thoroughly checked by a reliable mechanic before departure to insure that it’s in good working order, the aim, here, being to minimize the chances of your breaking down somewhere along the route on dangerous ground with no means of engineering a quick exit.

But perhaps most importantly, plan ahead so as not to wind up in uninviting territory to begin with! As a general rule, if travelling on the Continent, give Transylvania a wide berth! Detour around the slopes of cloud-enveloped Mount Trollenberg, too! If voyaging by sea, travel through the Bermuda Triangle is not prescribed under any circumstances! Never charter passage on either the Lady Ann or the Mary Celeste, and plot a course around such atolls as Skull Island and Isla Nublar! Stay out of Japan’s Aokigahara Forest, and on no occasion board the KTX to Busan! When considering hostelry, never book a cabin at Camp Crystal Lake or make reservations to bed-and-breakfast at Exham Priory! By no means ever check in to the Bates Motel or the Overlook Hotel, from either of which it is exceedingly improbable that you will ever check out!

11) DON’T GO IN THE HOUSE!

If your car breaks down or runs out of gas one night on a lonely road in a region with no cellphone service, do not hike up the road a ways to that old ramshackle house to ask if you can use their landline in order to call for a tow. Use your head, man! It’s a hoary, dilapidated building, a derelict dwelling probably uninhabited, and even if someone does live there, they almost certainly do not have a functioning phone! But if you choose to ignore this advice and find yourself standing on the porch wondering why nobody answered the front door when you knocked, take this gift of an opportunity to correct your error and sprint forthwith back to your vehicle! Should you opt, instead, to foolishly continue with your reckless course of action and, upon trying that rickety front door find that it isn’t locked, positively do not enter the house! If you insist on entering, be sure that you’re wearing your brown pants! But now would be a good time to turn and bolt back to your car, jump in, roll up the windows, and engage the door locks, after which you may wish to cower in the back seat under a blanket until sunrise!

12) DON’T GO DOWN INTO THE BASEMENT! Never search for your missing friend in a dark, dank basement, especially if you are alone and the power has gone out during a raging thunderstorm! But if you must, carry a working lantern or flashlight with fresh batteries installed, not a candle that can easily gutter and extinguish at the slightest exhalation of fetid breath wafting from the unholy maw of the tall, dark, and hideous thing that may inhabit that basement!

And while we’re discussing this topic, be careful on those invariably creaky staircases that lead down to basements, for you risk escape-impeding injury should one of the rotting wooden steps collapse under your weight and you plummet through, your fall broken only by the putrid, decaying carcass of something, or someone, under those stairs! Play it safe and stay out of basements altogether!

13) DON’T TOUCH THAT! Never handle any strange, pulsating goop that you’ve discovered in a secret laboratory, next to a meteorite crater, or around a ruptured barrel clearly marked as a container of toxic waste! The government has people for that sort of thing, so don’t let your curiosity get the better of you. Remember that age-old proverb involving the fate of curious cats, and note that you do not benefit from having nine lives!

14) NO MAGIC WORDS OF THE DARK VARIETY! Never open any dusty old tome on the cover of which is inscribed a pentagram, or specifically, the title “Necronomicon.” But if you do injudiciously crack the spine on said book, under no circumstances attempt to carry out any of the exercises outlined in any chapter, or read aloud any incantations therein, even as a joke! Basically, do not attempt to translate ancient writings that may result in the opening of a portal to Hell!

15) NEVER PLAY GAMES WITH THE FORCES OF EVIL! If your old Ouija Board or Magic 8-Ball begins to actually work, toss the game away quickly and vamoose! Don’t ask “just one more question,” for the answer will, in all likelihood, spell your doom!

16) GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! If the police call to inform you that they’ve managed to trace those threatening crank phone calls you’ve been getting all evening, and that the calls are coming from within the very house in which you now stand, make immediately for the front door and flee screaming into the street! The kids asleep upstairs? You’re just the babysitter, not a hero! Look, it’s not like their parents agreed to danger pay or anything like that! You don’t get paid enough for this shit as it is.

Still on the theme of domiciles, if the walls of your new house suddenly start bleeding, recognize that you have a serious problem! This is not the unfortunate result of your having used discounted wallpaper paste that has now liquefied in this humidity, nor the fluke confluence of mismatched chemicals in your primer and semi-gloss that have reacted with each other and caused the paint to run! Occum’s Razor, people!—of any given set of explanations for an occurrence, the simplest is most likely the correct one. So this is obviously the result of evil demonic forces at play in your living room! Don’t just stand there wondering what brand of household cleaning fluid will get that stain out! Even if you were to call in a priest to bless it, your bottle of Mr. Clean cannot help you, here! Vacate the premises without delay!

Never take any bet that involves your spending the night in an antediluvian, cobweb-enshrouded Victorian-style manor! Also, if household appliances suddenly start switching on by themselves, it’s got nothing to do with the wiring. Don’t waste valuable minutes checking your fuse box, just get the eff out of the house!

And always remember that oft-cited axiom about the most important factor with regards to real estate: location, location, location! So keep that in mind when listening to the real estate agent’s sales pitch! Regardless of the owner having substantially dropped his asking price—a red flag if ever there was one!—do not sign a contract to purchase a house that you discover was once owned by Satanists, or was the site of a gruesome murder a few years ago, or was built atop an old Indian burial ground, or next to a river into which an unprincipled chemical products manufacturer upstream has surreptitiously dumped toxic waste for years, thereby inducing ghastly mutations in the local fauna! Politely thank the agent for his time and get out of Dodge!

17) SORRY, BUT NO SEX! This one is specific to you teenagers, and while it is a lot to ask, consider that your very lives are at stake! Fact is, sexually active teenagers, principally young girls of the babysitting, cheerleading, sorority, or summer camp-counselor persuasion, are like catnip to mute, monochromatically dressed strangers exhibiting a particularly lethal skill with any of the following items: axe, machete, carving knife, pneumatic hammer, power drill, welding torch, Sunbeam Mixmaster, and most especially, chainsaw! These guys usually have a record of savage butchery, have often recently escaped from an asylum for the criminally insane, display an elevated level of physical strength, and demonstrate an uncanny capacity for surviving such assaults on their person by desperate, struggling victims as repeated clubbing with a blunt instrument, being run over by a car, set aflame, or shot multiple times! Such fellows are not fun dates!

Exercise the same caution around any small-town Billy-Bob who seems a little slow and whose family, according to the locals, “live just outside of town, mostly keep to themselves, and don’t bother nobody!”

18) WHEN YOU THINK IT’S OVER, IT ISN’T! Miraculously, you’ve somehow managed to survive your confrontation with the nightmarishly savage blade-wielding fiend that has been stalking you and your friends all night, and have just heroically struck the brute a killing blow, leaving him prone and motionless on the ground at your feet! “Is he dead?” your sobbing, pretty, female co-survivor and potential new girlfriend will surely ask. You must resist the understandable urge, in your newfound role as her brave protector, to turn your attention away from the beastly hellion towards the girl and respond in the affirmative, for the brute is almost certainly not at all dead! It is unfailingly at this very moment of inattention to your foe that he will suddenly spring up, grab you firmly by the throat, lifting you right up off the ground, and fatally run you through with his weapon! So what have we learned, here?—never get close enough to see if the murderous psycho is still breathing, because if you do, you won’t be for much longer!

To avoid this scenario playing out as above described, you must remember, immediately after having struck your blow, to quickly back well away and in one fluid motion, turn and race off like a scared rabbit, thus giving yourself a valuable head start over your female companion! She probably wasn’t going to go out with you, anyway!

19) MOVE AWAY! Should a tall, dark-haired man accompanied by a petite, stunningly attractive woman with shoulder-length auburn locks knock on your door flashing FBI badges wishing to question you about unusual goings-on in your neighbourhood, move to another neighbourhood!

 

6) A Second Parody Song

This little gem we also found on YouTube, courtesy the Nickerson family in Los Angeles (Instagram: @rabbijoel; Instagram: @juldosik):