“Present”, by Kristine Kathryn Rusch (originally published in _The
Retrieval Artist_, 2004)

Mason and Roxy are happily married, but they’re having some sex
problems. She’s got a present for him that she hopes will make things better. Unfortunately, she didn’t read the instructions.
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I’ll admit it: once I realized what was happening, I smirked.
Once. Which I suppose is the aim of a Humorous Story like this one. But ultimately, this is a very *small* story (which is NOT an allusion to Mason’s problem!), very *minor*. When I reached the end, I had to flip back to make sure I hadn’t skipped any pages. There’s a lot more that Rusch could have done with the concept — but this was originally written for the “paranormal romance” subgenre, whose requirements for stories aren’t necessarily what more mainstream readers might expect.